Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
For a few minutes neither of us moved while our breathing returned to normal. I felt drugged, my entire body heavy with a delicious lassitude I didn’t want to end. But suddenly Karl began to shake. Tremor after tremor rippled over him. Alarmed, I shifted, trying to see what was happening, but he rolled to the side and clutched me tightly, his face buried in my hair.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice harsh and full of pain. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen, to hurt you this way.”
“Stop it,” I ordered softly, my fingers moving through his hair. “You didn’t hurt me. What happened tonight happened because I wanted it every bit as much as you did. It was beautiful, Karl. Don’t turn it into something ugly. You aren’t your father.
You could never do the things he does.”
“But I don’t have anything to offer you. I don’t even have my own place to live.”
“Someday you will. And for now, I’ve got you. That’s all that matters to me.”
“I thought I’d lost you,” he murmured. “I’ve never been so afraid in my life. I felt hollow,likepartofmehadbeenrippedout.” His shaking finally eased to periodic spasms. “I swear, Natalie, someday I’ll make you proud to be seen with me.”
“I already am. And I’m tired of hiding. I’m going to tell Hugh that I can’t see him anymore, that I love you.”
It was so long before he answered that I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. Abruptly, he sat up on the edge of the bed. Elbows on his knees, he rubbed his face with both hands. “You can’t.”
“Why not?” I was confused and a little hurt by his refusal.
He dropped his hands and turned to look at me, his gaze running over my face as though he wanted to memorize every detail. “Because the mess with Lindsey isn’t over yet, and until it is…”
“Until it is, you don’t want anyone to know about us.”
“Yes. I have an idea but she’s fighting it, and I don’t know how long it will take to convince her.”
“I don’t understand why this is your problem, Karl.” His expression turned grim. “Believe me, it is. I know it’s asking a lot, and if you don’t think you can handle it, I’ll try to understand. But I don’t have any choice in this, Natalie.” He took a deep breath. “It’s important that people…think I’m seeing Lindsey.”
“You want me to keep dating Hugh.” It wasn’t a question. I knew that’s what he was getting at in his round-about way.
“Yes.”
“That’s not fair, Karl. Not to us or Hugh.”
“God, don’t you think I know that? It’s why I tried so hard to stay away from you.”
“What about us?”
His hand moved to my cheek, traced it gently. “I can’t give you up again. It would kill me.”
Because I loved him so much, I had to trust him. “How long will it take?”
“I wish I knew, but I can’t give you a time frame. It could be a week, or it could be months. Can you live with that?”
I caught his hand and pressed it more tightly to my cheek. “I’ll have to, because I can’t give you up either. We’ll work it out somehow.”
“I don’t know I got lucky enough to have someone like you,” he whispered. “But I’m so glad I did.”
We made love again after that, then fell asleep in each other’s arms. Karl woke me before daylight so I could slip up to my bed unnoticed, but I almost didn’t make it. We couldn’t seem to let go of each other after our night together and ended up making love yet again.
When we were both dressed, he shut off the heater and walked me to the door, lingering for a long, tender kiss as the first pale echo of light tinged the horizon. I had just settled into my bed when I heard Aunt Darla, always an early riser, make her way to the bathroom. With a sigh of relief at the near miss, I snuggled down and went to sleep, dreaming about the next time I’d be alone with Karl.
In retrospect, I’m amazed no one noticed the change in me. I started laughing again, and I stayed in a rosy fog of happiness that made me absent-minded and forgetful. On the nights I had a date with Hugh, I’d come home to find Karl waiting, leaning against the side of the house in the shadows. Together we’d walk to his room, so eager to be alone again that we’d barely make it through the door before we were tugging each other’s clothes off.
On the nights I didn’t have a date, I’d wait impatiently by my window, watching for the light to come on in his room. He never showed up before midnight, and I never asked him what he’d been doing. I just accepted that he was here now, more than likely lying on the bed naked and ready for me. The thought of his glorious body, so strong and well muscled, was enough to have me sneaking down the stairs, running through the darkness to be with him, excitement making my heart race. Every time, he’d smile at me and hold out his arms.
“What took you so long?” he’d ask.
We were like two children who had discovered a new and exotic toy. One second we’d be serious and intent, the next, laughing and giggling helplessly. And we loved each other. God, how we loved each other. There were times when we’d do nothing but kiss for hours on end, wallowing in our feelings.
There were only a few flies in the ointment during those wonderful months. One was Hugh. While I’d never love him the way I did Karl, I had come to care about him a great deal. I didn’t want to hurt him and I felt guilty for using him.
The other was Lindsey. I hated seeing her with Karl. It didn’t happen often, but it did happen. The first time was on a Friday evening. Hugh had picked me up for our regular date, but that particular night he stopped at Hawkins for gas on our way to the movies.
Karl was still there, and Mr. Viders, our school principal, was in the office, waiting on him to finish changing the oil in his car. And while Karl worked, Lindsey sat on a stack of tires behind him, her gaze locked on his every movement. Her little brother was on her lap, as silent as she was.
“Want a soda?”
I jerked my attention back to Hugh and smiled. “Sure.” We climbed out of the car as Karl headed in our direction, but I stopped. The gas cap was on my side and I was hoping to get a moment alone with Karl.