Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
It did, however, accomplish one thing I hadn’t expected. Even as I stepped away from him, I knew I had to put an end to the anger. Keeping it bottled up was easy when I didn’t have to see him every day, talk to him. But since he’d been back, I’d felt as though someone had thrown a match into a can of gasoline. If I didn’t get it under control it would destroy me, burn me up from the inside out.
“Are you okay?” His hand trembled when he touched my face, ran his thumb over my lips, and again I was surprised. He didn’t act like a man who’d been lying for his own ends. He acted like the old Karl, the one I’d loved with every ounce of my being.
I nodded, confusion making me weak. “I’ll be fine, but I think you’d better go for now.”
“Maybe you’re right.” He lowered his hand. “But I’m scared to death that if I leave, the next time I see you we’ll be right back where we started.” I hesitated, then took the plunge. “How about if we call a truce for now?”
“Just for now?”
“It’s the best I can do, Karl. I have a lot to think about.”
“I guess you do.” He walked to the door, then stopped with his hand on the knob.
“But while you’re at it, think about this. I love you. There hasn’t been a single day in the last fifteen years that I haven’t regretted not telling you when I had the chance. That house I’m working on next door? It’s never been for me. I’m building it for you.
Without you there to share it, it will never be anything but an empty pile of boards.” I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at the spot where he’d been, my mind whirling like a wisp of straw caught in a wind devil. He’d told me the truth. I knew it on a level I couldn’t explain. But there were so many unanswered questions, so much I didn’t understand. And now I no longer trusted my own judgment. I needed someone to talk to, someone who could be objective and reasonable. I needed Jenna.
This had felt like the longest day of my life, but a glance at the clock showed me it was only eight-thirty, not even full dark yet. Jenna should be home by now.
Grabbing my keys, I climbed in the Chevy and headed across town.
A few years after she’d started working for Mid-Delta Real Estate, Jenna had a bought a little house on the outskirts of town. She’d gotten it dirt cheap because it needed a lot of repairs. But over the years, she’d turned it into what I laughingly called her “gingerbread” house. It looked like something out of a fairytale with its brightly painted, scalloped trim, its overflowing gardens complete with fountains and birdbaths, and its distinct air of femininity. And the inside was every bit as frilly as the outside. No doubt about it. The house had brought out a hidden streak of domesticity in Jenna that was the direct opposite of the cool businesswoman she became during the day.
Relief washed over me when I saw light spilling from the windows. She was home.
Parking the Chevy behind her Lincoln, I got out and followed the brick path around to the back. The kitchen door was open, the framed screen door keeping out mosquitoes and letting in fresh air. I rapped twice, then waited, head tilted, listening. From somewhere inside, I heard the low sound of her voice. She must be on the phone.
Not wanting to disturb her, I eased the door open and stepped into the kitchen, leaning against the counter until there was a lull in the conversation. Then I raised my voice. “Jenna?”
For a split second there was nothing but silence, then I heard a mad scrambling.
“Natalie? Is that you? Hang on. I’ll be right there.” She was still belting a robe around her waist when she entered the kitchen, and her hair was in wild disarray. It was so different from her normal, impeccable appearance that I couldn’t resist teasing her a little.
“Caught you, didn’t I? All this time you’ve been having a wild fling right under my nose. Well, the game’s up. You might as well confess.”
“What?” The blood drained from her face, leaving her eyes nearly black in the surrounding whiteness. One hand clutched the robe together at her throat.
“Hey, I was only joking.” I steadied her with one hand. “Are you okay? Has something happened?”
“No, of course not.” Her smile was wan. “You just took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting anyone tonight.”
“I should have called first.” I was still a bit puzzled by her reaction.
“Don’t be silly. I never call you before I come by.” She walked to the sink and filled a pot with water. “Give me a second to put some tea on and then you can tell me what prompted this visit.”
I sat down at her table, propped my elbow on the wooden surface and sighed.
“Karl prompted this visit.”
She glanced uneasily at the door leading to the living room, then closed it before joining me. “Karl?”
“Yes. He was waiting on me when I got home from the hospital this evening. God, Jenna, I’m so confused. I don’t know what to believe anymore.” I paused at a muted noise from the other room. “I swear, that sounded like your front door closing. Are you sure I didn’t interrupt something?”
“Positive. One of the shrubs thumps the house when the wind blows. Go ahead with what you were telling me.” She was visibly more relaxed now, and I decided I’d imagined her earlier case of nerves.
“He told me he loves me, Jenna, that he’s building the house for me. One minute I really think he means it, then the next I start remembering everything he did to me. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
She crossed her arms on the table. “Why don’t you talk to him, ask him about Lindsey and everything that happened? If he does love you, he’ll tell you the truth.”
“I tried. This morning before I found the Judge. He said I didn’t understand about him and Lindsey, so I told him to explain it to me. He didn’t answer.”
“And you let him get away with that?” Her tone was disbelieving.
“I was upset.”
“That’s no excuse. Natalie, the only way you’re going to settle this, good or bad, is to force the issue. You can’t keep going like you have been, shutting everyone out, barely existing.”
Gloom settled over me like a shroud and I slumped in the chair. “It’s useless. The fact is, he got Lindsey pregnant, then dumped me for her. Forcing him to talk about it isn’t going to change a thing. So what if Lindsey didn’t live with him? He still left me alone and pregnant.”