Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
“Whoa!” She held up one hand. “What makes you think Lindsey didn’t live with him?”
“That’s what he told me. And Daniel doesn’t seem to think of her as his mother. He doesn’t seem to care much about her at all. Not like he would if she’d lived with them.
He even calls her by her first name.”
“And Karl said you didn’t understand.” She looked thoughtful. “Is it possible that Karl isn’t Daniel’s father?”
The smile I gave her was wry. “You obviously haven’t seen him. He’s Karl’s son, all right. Seeing him is like seeing Karl at that age. They even act alike.”
“Okay, scratch that idea. But think about it like this. Even if he did sleep with Lindsey, maybe it only happened once. Anyone can make a mistake, right? Couldn’t you forgive him?”
I shook my head. “Maybe. If that were all it was. But how can I ever forgive him for Katie, Jenna? How can I see him and not remember that my daughter would be alive if he hadn’t left us?”
She reached across the table and took my hand firmly in hers. “Natalie, you aren’t going to like this, but it’s not Karl’s fault that Katie died. It’s not anyone’s fault. Blame him for leaving you, blame him for not being there when you needed him so desperately, but don’t blame him for Katie.”
“I have to.” My voice was thick with grief. “He could have saved her.”
“How? How could he have saved her?”
“I don’t know!” I yanked my hand from her grasp and covered my eyes.
“Listen to me.” She leaned forward and touched my arm. “You loved Katie so much because she was Karl’s child. When she died it ripped you in half. Your family, bless their hearts, did what they thought was best for you, but they never gave you a chance to grieve. So you tucked it all away inside until it almost drove you crazy.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, you protected yourself the only way you could.
You tried to justify Katie’s death by blaming Karl. But you know the truth, Natalie. Even if he’d been standing in the room with her, Katie would have died.”
“No.” I was shaking so hard the table rattled.
“Yes.” Her voice was gentle. “You’ll never get over Katie’s death until you can admit that it was only a senseless tragedy. Sometimes there just isn’t a reason for the things that happen, no matter how much we search for one. You had her for six months, Natalie. Would you rather have never known her, loved her?”
“No. God, no. Every minute I had with her was precious.” Tears filled our eyes, spilled over until our visions blurred.
“Then concentrate on those minutes. Do you remember the first time she crawled?
She had the most surprised look on her face.”
And so, when I’d come to talk about Karl, I ended up talking about Katie. Talking about her for the first time since she’d died. For hours, we sat over tea gone cold and forgotten in our cups, and we laughed and cried as we talked about my daughter. And finally, after all those empty years, I began to heal.
I was in a strange mood the next morning as I got ready for work; kind of numb and drained, and yet more at peace with myself than I could ever remember being. It was an odd combination, but one I welcomed. Nothing was going to ruffle me today, not even the call from my mother, asking me to stop by her house on my way home that evening. It was way past time for me to have a long talk with her.
Picking up the invoices I had neglected over the weekend, I walked out to the Chevy. As I went around to the passenger side of the car and put the paperwork on the front seat, I was aware of the sounds coming from next door. Circular saws buzzed, hammers pounded, and raucous male voices filled the air. And for the first time, I didn’t ignore them.
I closed the car door and turned to study the progress they were making on the house. It was coming along nicely. The slab had been poured, and Southern Supply had delivered the first load of material Friday. One of the outside walls already stood erect, the bare bones of what would soon become a real house.
A smile curved my lips as a streak of pure possessiveness shot through me. It was all I could do not to go over there and start giving orders. Until I saw Karl and forgot all about the house.
He was standing on the slab, long legs braced apart, hands on his hips, a leather tool belt slung low around his waist. And he was watching me. In spite of the distance between us, I saw him wink, and my heart hit my ribs with a thunderous crash.
I hadn’t reached the place yet where I was ready to confront him about the past, or to completely forgive him, but that didn’t mean I was blind. He was the most gorgeous hunk of male it had ever been my privilege to stare at, and darn his hide, he knew exactly what I was thinking. His smile turned to a smug grin so full of satisfaction, that I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. God, I’d missed him, missed having someone to flirt with, to laugh with, and to talk about everyday things with. All the things I’d never had with Hugh.
That wayward thought sobered me a bit, and with a final wave in Karl’s direction, I climbed into the car and headed for the store. I felt too good to let thoughts of Hugh spoil it for me. As a matter of fact, I was going to call Jenna when I got to work and tell her I’d meet her at the roadhouse Wednesday night.
I also called the hospital to check on the Judge, and to my delight, he talked to me for a few seconds before Aunt Jane took the phone away from him. “How is he really?” I asked.
She laughed. “He’s fine. They moved him out of ICU this morning into a private room, and he’s already giving the nurses a hard time.”
“Has the doctor been in?”
“He just left. He says there’s still weakness in the Judge’s arm, but they think with some occupational therapy he’ll regain full use of it. If he keeps improving this way, they’ll let him go home by the end of the week.” The rest of the day went by in a rush, and I spent it catching up on paperwork, skipping lunch so I could keep working. It was almost quitting time when Kenny thumped on the glass between my office and the customer service counter. When I looked up, he gestured toward the front and I saw Karl. He’d lost the tool belt, but otherwise he looked just as he had this morning.
I took the time to make one last entry in the books, then stood and walked to the counter.
“Do you always look so serious when you work?” he asked with a smile.
“Only when there’s math involved.” I returned his smile. “What are you doing here?”
Kenny had started edging toward the door as soon as I appeared, but when he realized I wasn’t going to take Karl’s head off, he hesitantly went back to work.