Filed to story: A Girl Nobody Wanted Book by SansaR
“I am so sorry… You get into all these troubles because of me”
“Save that for later princess… one day when I meet you in person you are going to pay me for all these ;)”
“I don’t think I will be able to earn enough to pay you “
“Don’t worry… Didn’t I tell you there are other means you can pay [[:P”
I blushed, my heart rate doubled. An unknown shiver ran down my spine… Oh my God!!! I am so looking forward to meeting you soon…. and I would love to pay you of course…
*******
All these days chatting with him and of course, having that awkward silly fight with him, made me realize that there is nothing I want for the rest of my life than being with him. Until now I had two things that get me going, enduring all the hard times. They were my education and Jake. Now when I compare how He makes me feel special, cared and loved every second, my education or my blind obsession for Jake feel so insignificant.
Of course, I can’t just lose my focus on my education, if I like it or not, but I have to get rid of this other thing. My first love or to be exact my obsession…
I don’t know when and where I started to have feelings for Jake. I knew him since high school (not just him, I knew Luke as well. But I don’t remember much of him as I didn’t pay any attention to him back then… sigh…) He was not in the same high school as me, but I saw him in several inter-high school competitions, functions, and of course during a couple of football matches in our school ground when I was forced to volunteer in welcome committee.
Even back then he was everyone’s prince charming. He was super famous even in my school. It is true that first I attracted to him for his drop-dead gorgeous look and his incredible talents. So I started to follow him, I, however, manage to participate most of the inter-school competitions and functions just to see him. I voluntarily volunteered during football matches when it was between my school and his.
Observing him over the period, I got more and more attracted to him due to his admirable qualities. How he always act decent and calm even in the most pressures situations, how he always stand up to the injustices, how smart and professionally he dealt with people…All these made me get really drown in the obsession for him.
Those days every high school girl wanted to get his autograph (at least). I also wanted the same, but observing his cold response towards his fans most of the time, I was so damn scared to ask for an autograph.
One day after a match in our ground, I gathered up all my courage and joined the bunch of girls flocked around him, asking for his autograph. He seemed to be in a good mood that day, so he was giving his autograph generously.
I could reach near him finally and with my shaking hands, I present him my book to get his autograph. Even now when I remember what happened next it makes me feel super stupid. Due to my silly nervousness, I dropped my book on his feet, right when he was going to take it from me and sign. I quickly grab it and present him again whispering “Sorry”.
He looked right into my eyes. For the first time, his devilishly handsome eyes met mine. My heart stopped and everything froze, leaving just me and him. I couldn’t really get the expression in his eyes, what I could think was how handsome his eyes looked. I don’t know how long he stared into my eyes most probably for a second? But it felt like hours for me.
Then suddenly everything was getting back to life and he walked away without giving me his autograph.
I knew he doesn’t even remember such a thing happen on that day, yet I felt embarrassed whenever I see him remembering what happened that day. Anyway, I didn’t try to get his autograph ever again. But my obsession never faded away, it got even stronger. I didn’t miss even a single match he played. I even went to learn Karate (though I hate martial arts and obviously I sucked at them) as the classes were held in his school and I got to know he was coming to the classes. However, without learning anything valuable I stopped Karate classes when he stopped coming to them.
I started collecting his photos, newspaper articles about him, his interviews with sports magazines and anything that was at least slightly connected to him.
I was on cloud nine when I saw him at the university for the first time. I was the happiest when I got to know he was following the same degree as me. Even though we never talk to each other or never met face to face, seeing him daily gave me the happiness I wanted. But now the time is right to say goodbye… I want to make my self fully committed and available for him… just for him…
First I need to get rid of all the stupid things I have collected about him. Going through my drawers I got out all the posters, magazines and newspapers. I am going to burn this all, except you… I told a poster of our university football team, which was issued a few months back. I am going to keep you because you don’t just have Jake, but you have other people too…
There is a far important thing I should actually get rid of than these posters and magazines, that is my Scrap Book. The Scrapbook totally dedicated to Jake. It carries a lot of pictures of him along with my silly thoughts or mostly my fantasies about him. I don’t even know why I maintained such a pathetic thing in the first place, I was so sick…
I went through all my drawers, my cupboard and every damn place possible to keep a scrapbook, but I couldn’t find it from anywhere. Where the hell I kept that stupid thing?
sitting on the floor by the bed I tried to recall. I kept in my locker at university!!!! What?? Why the hell I kept it there, why I took it to university in the first place?
If anyone got to see it, that would be the end of me. I won’t be able to recover from humiliation for the rest of my life. Especially if Luke got to see, what kind of fantasies his sweet innocent princess had about his friend, there is no doubt he will block my number and never ever talk to me again… Even thinking of that gave me heartaches…
No!! I am not letting that happen….
Dear stupid Scrapbook stay safe until I come and get you, don’t let anyone lay their hands on you….
I went to university as early as possible. Not even a single student was there in the corridors. So I opened my locker without much fear. Oh, Thank God… Here it is safely…
I grabbed my stupid scrapbook and put it in my backpack safely.
I was extremely happy to complete my small mission without anyone to observe. I knew if someone was around I would be so much nervous and do some totally stupid thing. So that person will automatically know that I am doing something shady. I checked the time, there was more than an hour for the first lecture. I didn’t have any other thing to do, so I just went to the lecture hall. I started to read some previous lecture notes to spend time.
When it was like 15 minutes to the lecture Jake entered the lecture hall. He looked elegant as ever. He was in semi-formal today, he must be having some meetings. As the captain of the football team, he got to attend them sometime. He was wearing a black long- sleeves shirt and had the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. He had tucked his shirt to the cream color trouser he was wearing.
He always looks handsome, no matter what he wears. But definitely, this semi-formal look has given him additional classiness to exaggerate his look. The charming smell of his cologne spread all over the lecture hall.
I was totally drowned in his charm as usual, but just for a few seconds. I came back into reality and made my self clear that I am done with this blind obsession.
The lecture started a few minutes after. I was giving my full concentration to the lecture. At the end of the lecture, I felt really fulfilled, because not even for a moment I daydream about Jake. It was the first time I could actually able to not imagine that one day Jake will come and confess how much he loves me, and then we will have our happily ever after…
I know I won’t be ever able to just ignore his presence. How we get totally amazed by just looking at a shining star far away in the sky, though we know that we have no desire to own it… I have such a feeling about him now. A feeling that is so different from love, just recognition.
Thank you for keeping me happy for all these years, even though you don’t even know about me. I thought while looking at him leaving the lecture hall.
**************
During lunch, I went to the university canteen to grab something to eat. I saw Shane and his friends were sitting in a corner, laughing and shouting like they own the place. I carefully roam my eyes over them to see, the face I wanted to see so much… There he was… Not paying any attention to whatever the bullshit others were talking. He was just reading something from his phone, giving his full attention.
After having such a close relationship with him over the phone, and of course after he confesses his love this was the first time I got to see him. I wish he could reveal his identity soon, so I can just run into his arms and save a warm kiss on that handsomely sculpted face.
I was so attached in my own thoughts, I didn’t even realize It was my turn to order. After getting a hard push from the student behind me, I quickly ordered. A sandwich and a hot chocolate.
I was about to go somewhere less crowded to enjoy my meal when Bob blocked my way. I almost spilled the hot chocolate.
“Oh my! Sarah… long time no see” he grinned.
Great! Now I have no escape from him. He is such a pain in the a*s.
“We missed you… so… so…” he asked with a faked care.
“mm. Bob, I… I have a lecture, so I should go” I said avoiding his eyes.
“What! you want to go. After meeting in years… no buddy I am not letting you go. I insist you eat with us today” he said holding my hand.
What? no!! this is going to be a nightmare…
“Come… everyone missed you. They will be so happy to see you” he was dragging me to where Shane and others were sitting. I didn’t try to protest, because if I tried, it will end up me getting beaten.
“See guys… who I found” he shouted.
Shane and his idiots started to cheer like a bunch of kids who saw the Santa Clause.
Bob made me sit on a vacant chair. My eyes automatically directed on Luke’s face. He was not looking at me, but I clearly saw how his lips stretched to a thin line.
I am sorry, you have to see this. I know this makes you hurt, more than it hurts me…