Filed to story: I Got Married Without You
Rosalyn, who was too tired to speak, lightly opened her mouth.
“I’m sorry. I felt pity for Ryan because of his depression, so…”
Rosalyn paused and didn’t continue speaking. No matter how she explained it, she had crossed the line and failed to maintain her boundaries, making Andrew feel insecure.
“I promise, I’ll keep my distance from him in the future. I won’t do this again.”
His hand on her waist suddenly tightened. His concerns and frustrations gradually dissipated because of these two sentences.
He didn’t know what he was doing and why he was feeling so uncertain and confused. He knew that if it weren’t for Ryan, Rosalyn might not have grown up and survived. So why did he care so much? “Honey, I was wrong. Please don’t be angry with me, okay?”
Hearing this, Andrew felt a bit guilty. He pulled her closer, letting her lie on top of him, and raised his slender fingers to touch her hair.
“Are you tired?”
“A little bit.”
Rosalyn nodded, her tired eyes filled with a flicker of exhaustion. She forced herself to stay awake, afraid of making him angry.
Seeing her like this, Andrew tightly embraced her waist, feeling a pang of heartache. She was so small and frail, he could hold her waist with just one hand.
Andrew’s hand gently caressed her thin back as he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her. “If you’re tired, just sleep.””
His tone softened, as if he wasn’t angry or blaming her anymore.
Finally, Rosalyn rested her head on his firm and sturdy chest and closed her eyes lightly.
The man who held her in his arms didn’t fall asleep, though. He just held her while staring at the moonlight outside the window…
It’s unclear how much time passed when the woman in his arms suddenly spoke, “Ryan…”
Andrew’s heart skipped a beat, and the blood flowing through his veins seemed to freeze. Even the hands that held her grew cold.
In disbelief, he lowered his gaze and looked at the woman in his arms. He opened his mouth, wanting to ask her, but no sound came out.
She had told him that he was the only person she loved when they made love. Why did she still call out Ryan’s name in her sleep?
Did Rosalyn herself not know that deep down in her heart, she had always left a place for Ryan?
What were the proportions?
Did she love him more or less than Andrew?
Feeling his body stiffen, Rosalyn quickly raised her head and looked at the pale-faced man. “Honey, I…”
Before she could finish her sentence, Andrew tightly grabbed her wrist. “Whose name did you just call in your sleep?!”
He exerted a strong grip, causing Rosalyn’s small and delicate hand to ache.
Enduring the pain, Rosalyn continued to explain, “Andrew, I wasn’t asleep just now. I just wanted to talk to you about meeting Ryan today. I mentioned his name and then got worried that you might mind, so I didn’t continue. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but I didn’t call his name in my sleep.”
Gradually loosening his tightly clenched hand, Andrew’s pale lips didn’t regain their color. It was like the countless times before when he heard her call out Ryan’s name, making him feel uncomfortable. It was an uncontrollable discomfort that caused him to push Rosalyn away.
He pushed aside the covers, got out of bed, casually put on some clothes, and walked towards the desk. He took out a box of cigarettes and reached for a slender one, but Rosalyn’s fair hand stopped him.
The room was not lit, only the faint moonlight seeped through the cracks in the curtains, shining upon the two of them. In this darkness, one lowered her head while the other looked up, looking at each other. In the end, Rosalyn reached out with both hands and circled Andrew’s waist, snuggling into his embrace. She murmured, “Haven’t I told you why I used to call out Ryan’s name in my sleep?”
Andrew didn’t answer her words, but he was eager for her to tell him the reason so that he wouldn’t have to be afraid of hearing her call Ryan’s name on some dark night, and wouldn’t have to be terrified and panicky after hearing it.
She loved him very much, and likewise, he loved her too. He loved her so much that even the slightest mention of Ryan would make him lose all sense of security and become extremely abnormal, unable to control his emotions.
Seeing his furrowed brows and pained expression, Rosalyn couldn’t help but raise her hand and touch his eyebrows.
“I didn’t tell you before because I thought Ryan was my first love, and whether it was good or bad, I shouldn’t talk about it. But now that I see how scared you are, I feel like I should be honest with you!” After she put her hand down and let go of Andrew, she focused on his handsome face and spoke softly.
“I broke up with him because his twin brother kicked me hard and broke my artificially constructed heart, causing me to suffer from severe psychological trauma. As a result, in every nightmare, I would dream of myself being kicked and I would keep calling his name because I was begging for mercy, begging him to spare me…..”
Upon hearing these words, Andrew slowly relaxed his tense body, but looked at Rosalyn with a hint of disbelief.
“You didn’t lie to me?”
He had always thought that her calling Ryan’s name in her sleep was because of deep love and longing, never considering that it was because of fear. Even after learning the reason for her breakup with Ryan, he thought she couldn’t let go, which was why she cried out Ryan’s name in her dreams.
If she was really just scared, then he had misunderstood her for so many years and had been so cold to her because of this misunderstanding. Andrew, shocked and heartbroken, grabbed Rosalyn’s hand and placed it on his chest, letting her feel his heartbeat as he asked for an answer. Rosalyn looked up into his eyes, filled with remorse, and said each word clearly:
“I didn’t lie to you!”
With her affirmation, Andrew felt even more regret in his eyes.
If he had grabbed her and asked her properly after she woke up back then, would they have not missed out on so many years?
Unable to find the answers to the past, Andrew took a step forward and embraced Rosalyn in his arms.
“I’m sorry. I should have asked you earlier instead of indulging in my own wild thoughts.”
Rosalyn shook her head, acknowledging her own fault as well. But……
Rosalyn lowered her head slowly, hesitated for a moment, and finally asked:
“Andrew, we’ve been through so much, and I’ve told you many times that I love you. Why do you still feel insecure because of Ryan?”
She helped Ryan wipe his face today, making him feel insecure. It’s normal for him to feel jealous and concerned, but often when Ryan is mentioned, he also gets nervous.
She thought that after going through so much between them, he would understand that she no longer has feelings for Ryan. But he still doesn’t feel secure, not even a bit.
Holding Andrew tightly, she heard her ask this and he weakly buried his chin in the nape of her neck.
“Because you loved Ryan, loved him like you love me…”
If it were someone else, Andrew wouldn’t be scared or concerned, but Ryan is different.
“He attempted suicide for you, and he got depression. He loved you so much, I’m afraid…”
Andrew took a deep breath, enduring the pain in his heart, and softly said:
“I’m afraid you’ll soften your heart and fall in love with him. again…”
Just like back in Washington, when Ryan begged her to be with him. At that time, he was physically healthy and didn’t have depression, but she still softened her heart and agreed to be with him. Now, Ryan had become what he was today because of her, so she should be more likely to soften her heart, right…
