Filed to story: A Girl Nobody Wanted Book by SansaR
“I love Luke, Sarah… I love him like crazy… I know what you may think. I am not gay believe me… But I can’t stop my feelings… For him…”
I knew it before he told it, but hearing it from his own words sounded more awkward. If Shane was so close to me all the time, I don’t think it will feel this awkward. But he never even talks with me like a brother would usually do.
“I don’t know how I started to grow up feelings for him… I think I had a crush on him since high school,l when we started to play against each other in matches.”
“I was always mesmerized by how calm and joyful he is, even in the court. You know when all the others are aggressive and ruthless, he is like an angel. He radiates happiness, Sarah… I was willing to get lost against his team, just to see his wonderful smile brighten up his handsome face…”
God!!! This is getting even more awkward. I never thought Shane would talk about someone like this ever… When did he become this poetic and romantic?
“I thought it is just a crush because there was no way I have feelings for a guy, but everything changed after getting to the university. I realized that whatever I feel for him, is not just a crush. However, I was so afraid to accept that. I didn’t want to be gay, I thought it would kill my reputation. I started to sleep with all the girls I could get, and I bragged about the way I fu** them whenever I was with Luke and other buddies. I pretend like I really enjoy all my time with those girls… But the truth was they were not able to give me the satisfaction I was looking for. I thought I could hide my feelings doing that, but you know what, it made him disgust me even more.” He was saying.
So he was fooling around with girls just to hide his feelings… All those were just an act to hide something more important…
He is surely so obsessed with Luke, maybe even more than I was obsessed with Jake…
“You know… I got fascinated seeing Luke half-naked whenever we took bath together after practices, more than sleeping with all those girls…”
Oh! Please, Shane… This is getting really weird… I don’t want to continue this talk further… But I didn’t want to leave him as well. He is so vulnerable and in pain. I know how hard it is to be in pain all alone.
I love Shane, no matter how bad he treats me… After all, he is my twin brother… My own blood…
He was pulling his hair from both of his hands while muttering random things about Luke…
“Shane, this is not a good time to talk. Please, go to sleep.” I said, trying to stop him pulling his hair.
“No!!! I can’t… I can’t just suffer like this… I have to tell him… I should let him know how much I love him.” he said while trying to reach his phone, which was on the other side of his bed.
Is he really going to call Luke? At this time? God! This is not good…
I know there is no time that would be good to let Luke know about Shane’s feelings because of two reasons. First, Shane is a guy and second, he hates Shane…
However, this time is the worst possible time to let him know…
I have to stop Shane…
Shane has already got his phone, and he was about to dial Luke.
“Shane! Stop! Don’t do that.”I screamed, holding his hands.
“I am not letting you drunk dial him.”
“I am drunk or not, my feelings are all same…” he said, trying to get rid of me.
“Please, Shane believe me. You are just trying to make things worst.” I was trying my best to stop him.
“You are afraid, me letting your boyfriend know that I too have feelings for him, aren’t you? You jealous bi**h!! I thought you are here to help me. But you are just being yourself. Taking everything I love away from me…” he screamed furiously.
My eyes filled with tears. I have never taken anything you love, away from you Shane… You are the one who always tried to do that for me. Even here, I am trying to help you…
“There are like billions of guys out there, and you had to start an affair with him? Do you know how you two make me feel? I felt like I want to kill my self. I felt like I should just root out my own eyes before I see both of you together… You know, how much it hurts to see, the person you love having an affair with someone else? You two are fu**ing killing me!!!!” Shane screamed while crying like crazy…
It was crystal clear, he meant every single word he said. Our lie is just killing him. I can’t let this happen… He is my brother… I can’t let him in this pain…
He was again trying to dial Luke’s number.
“Shane! I don’t have an affair with him…” I said immediately.
“What?”
The phone was dropped from his hands… He was looking at me with wide eyes…
“We are just friends… Luke said we have an affair because you were hurting me, and he wanted to stop you.” I said.
“Are you telling me the truth?” he asked suspiciously.
“Yes… Shane, he is a good friend of mine, other than that there is nothing between us.”
“Thank God!!!” he hugged me so tightly out of nowhere.
I was utterly shocked, I even forgot to breathe.
He was gently caressing my head while hugging me so tightly.
I couldn’t stop my tears rolling down and wetting his naked chest…
I have never been this close to my brother… How much I always wanted to be close to him… How much I wish he treats me as his little sister, not like a salve. How much I went through to have a moment like this? “Thank you, Sarah… Thank you very much for telling me the truth… You served me from going all crazy, and lose my little chance that I would have with Luke! I am forever in debt to you for this.” he whispered to my ear… I don’t know if he really meant it or, he is just drunk talking. I don’t know if I did the right thing even… But for the moment, I am so happy… I am over the moon to have my brother loves me, even for a few minutes… I know I am desperate… But do you ever had a brother or a sister, that doesn’t care about you at all? No matter how hard you try to get close to them… If you had, then you will understand what I am feeling right now… There is a possibility of Sunrises from the West than Luke loves Shane… Still, I decided to give it a try… I would try my best for Shane… I am pretty sure, if there is someone who can change Shane, that must be Luke… After all, Shane loves Luke so much, no matter how much of a jerk he has been to other people…I wish Luke could love him back, and they can have a happy life together…
Shane would be so lucky to have someone as perfect as Luke in his life…
But will it be same for Luke?
Am I going to be a good sister, but a bad friend?
God this is going to be really complicated…
I was carried in my own thoughts while embracing my brother’s warm hug…
***********
I came to my room after he slept. He was just talking random stuff all the time before he falls into sleep. I was also exhausted. Right after he fell into sleep, I came to my room and slept.
The next morning, I woke up with someone shaking my hand.
It was highly unusual for anyone to come to my room in the morning.
I opened my eyes all panicked.
“Shane!!!”
“Shane!!!” I almost screamed, looking panicked at him.