Filed to story: Swallow Me Whole (Sadie & Ashton) Book Free
“I quit.” I’m not only talking about my job. I’m done being a slave to his demands. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to please him—I’ll never be good enough. Not unless I’m a lawyer following in his footsteps, or married to one.
“Don’t be irresponsible. Quitting your job isn’t necessary.”
“No, it’s absolutely necessary.” I leave his office before he can argue further, my decision made. I make a beeline for my desk and clear out the few personal items in the drawers, stuffing them into my oversized purse. Anything else, I’ll come back for later.
As I turn to leave, I catch the sight of my father standing in the doorway of his office. I can’t pinpoint his expression—it’s a cocktail of anger, hurt, and disappointment. My chest aches, the little girl in me silently crying over what will never be.
I know he loves me. I’ve never questioned that. But he’s never been good at showing it. He’s even worse at loosening his hold on other people’s lives. He’s strangely silent as I walk past him toward the elevator, and that stuns me since part of me expects him to use his father voice to halt me in my tracks.
To demand I fall in line.
My heart is thumping too fast in my chest when the doors of the elevator slide open, and I escape inside. A deep voice calls my name, and when I glance up, I find Jake hurrying toward me, his long legs covering the distance between us too quickly. I hold my breath until the doors slide shut, and only then do I exhale.
This is twice in the last twelve hours I’ve made a quick getaway in an elevator. The devastation on Ashton’s face from the night before flashes through my mind, and my heart clenches. He’s the one person I want to run to right now. But he’s the last person I can go to about anything.
Sadie
A ruckus is coming from Mandy’s bedroom. I stall in the front entrance, unsure of what I’m hearing, until a moan penetrates the thin walls, followed by the rhythmic banging of Mandy’s headboard.
Jesus. It’s barely lunchtime. Either she’s skipping classes today, or she and her mystery man came back for a quickie. Either way, I kind of envy her right now. How freeing would it be to forget about everything and just lose myself in the moment?
That’s a dangerous thought. I drop my purse onto the couch, take a seat beside it, and lower my head into my hands. My life is falling apart, and I could really use my best friend right now, but she’s obviously a little busy.
Now that I’ve had some time to process what happened this morning, it’s starting to hit me for real. I can’t believe I quit my job, and even though I need to start the search for employment pronto, I can’t bring myself to do it today.
My purse buzzes, and I almost don’t pull out my cell because it’s probably Ashton. He’s been calling and texting on and off since I left him at the hotel last night. With a sigh, I rub my palms down my face before reaching for the phone.
Ashton: Your silence is killing me.
I tell myself to put the phone away, to deal with this later or even another day, but my actions aren’t in line with what my head tells me to do. I reply to his message and end the silent treatment for the first time since we parted ways at the hotel.
Me: Is Corinne okay?
I hope he doesn’t take it as a snarky question. I really just want to know how she’s doing. It’s not her fault Ashton didn’t tell me about her pregnancy.
Ashton: She’s fine. So is the baby.
I pause, my thumbs hovering above the screen, but before I’m able to formulate a reply, he sends another message through.
Ashton: I was going to tell you.
Me: When?
Ashton: Soon. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. She told me, and I just freaked the fuck out. I hadn’t even talked to her about it yet.
Maybe I’m feeling too beaten down and tired today, but I don’t want to argue with him. I want to take his explanation at face value. At the core of my being, I want to believe him.
Ashton: Don’t let this come between us.
Me: I’m not sure there IS an us.
Ashton: I know you don’t believe that.
Hurt wells in my throat, and I swallow it down before shooting out another text.
Me: What does Corinne want from you?
Too many seconds go by, and that only makes my heart pound faster. I tap my foot while I wait for him to reply.
Ashton: It doesn’t matter what she wants. The only woman I want is you.
His answer warms me from the inside out, but I know him.
Ashton isn’t the type of guy to shirk his responsibilities. He’ll do right by his child, and I wouldn’t expect him to do anything less, especially since his dad split on him and Mandy when they were in the fifth grade. That alone will ensure Ashton goes the extra mile for his child. But I’m afraid he’ll realize he wants to do right by Corinne too, and I’m not sure what that says about me.
I’m not sure I care at this point.
I nibble my lip, tempted to throw caution to the wind and tell him to take me away from the mess I’ve created of my life. I can see myself on the back of his bike, my arms around his waist, holding on for all I’m worth as we zip down the highway. He’d make me forget for a while.
Love me for a while…love me forever.
But I’ve already met my quota of rash decisions today, and sex isn’t going to fix the issues between us. It won’t fix my sudden unemployment status either.
Me: The timing is wrong, Ash. I know you don’t want to admit it, but this changes things.
Ashton: We aren’t just friends anymore. That changed too, or do I need to remind you how hard you came on my tongue last night?
Fuck, like I need that reminder. I’m cursing him for fighting dirty when the rapid thumping coming from Mandy’s bedroom grows louder. She cries out, and I feel my face heat. Even worse, I can’t ignore the tingling warm pressure between my thighs. Listening to her moments of ecstasy is only reminding me of the ones I shared with Ash last night. His messages blur before my eyes, but these are tears of frustration rather than hurt. I want to give in. Now that we’ve crossed all sorts of lines, I can’t imagine not touching him.
I want the line of our friendship to stay crossed because the other side is damn cold without him.
But I can’t. If I let my guard down, and he decides to be with the mother of his child, I’m not sure I could survive that kind of emotional wreckage. He’s already stolen so much of me as it is—little pieces I’ll never get back. Maybe he’s been doing it all along, for years and years, only I wasn’t paying attention. I thought by ignoring how I felt about him it would eventually go away, become obsolete, and his habit of parading women in front of me helped to shove my feelings for him onto the back burner.
So what made me think crawling under that table was a smart move? I was so fucking stupid. Deep down, I knew going in that this would happen, but I did it anyway. God, I wanted him then and I want him now.
Ashton: You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?
I hear his smug tone in my head. What does he expect? Of course I’m thinking about it. No woman with a pulse could forget riding Ashton Levine’s face.
The banging stops on the other side of the wall, and a squeak of the mattress, followed by footsteps, tells me this is definitely in the camp of a quickie. I send Ash one last text.
Me: I’m thinking about a lot of things, which is why I need some space.
If he replies, I don’t read it. I drop my phone back into my bag, and that’s when Mandy and her lunchtime special exit her bedroom.
“Sadie?” The draw of her brows betrays her concern, and I know my rough morning is written all over my face. When it comes to Mandy, my expression is usually an open book. It’s a miracle she hasn’t picked up on what’s been going on between Ash and me.
“You’re back early,” she says. “Is everything okay?”
“I quit my job.”