Filed to story: The Alpha’s Pen Pal Book
I wrinkle my nose and finally stop my pacing as I whip my head to stare at him. “If there was a bond with her, I’d be constantly questioning if any of it was real or if it was all because of the bond.”
“I know. You want her because you want her.”
My words and his reply repeat in my head. The confession left my mouth without me even thinking about it, but I’ve never said anything more true. With Kimberly, it was all about the mate bond. I savored it and craved it so much I didn’t recognize the signs that she didn’t actually want me until it was too late. Her and her selfishness tarnished the bond—what should be the most beautiful element of being a werewolf—for me.
And I don’t know if my feelings towards it can ever be repaired or if I even want them to be.
“Was that how it was for you? With Haven?” I ask, crossing my arms and steering our conversation away from my severed mate bond.
His eyebrow quirks up, and confusion flashes across his face. “I have a bond with her.”
“I mean in the beginning. Before you knew she was your mate.”
“You saw how I reacted when I found her standing there on the shore of the lake.” He chuckles as he reminisces. “Shit, you were the one to talk sense into me the next day when she stood me up and kicked me out of her apartment.”
“But—“
“I think,” he says, raising his volume to continue speaking over my protestations, lifting his hand to silence me. “I think you’re asking me to answer the question I asked you for you, when you’re the only one who can answer that for yourself. Do you love her?”
“Wes…” I rub my temples with the thumb and middle finger of one hand, and lean against the counter again, my other hand clenched around the corner. “She’s leaving in a few months. After your pup is born, and Haven’s aura goes back to normal.”
“She doesn’t have to leave,” he points out.
I lower my hand and rest it on my jaw. “You mean—“
“Ask her to be your chosen mate? Yes.”
He smiles, a smug expression I swear he stole from Sebastian, and I groan. “I told you, I barely know her.”
“Nolan.”
“It’s true! I don’t know enough about her. I know she’s an oracle, and I know they’re tied to the island after being marked by their fated mate. But I don’t know if that applies to chosen mates as well. If it does, then I’m not sure if I can leave Crescent Lake behind to live there with her.” My pacing resumes, and my hands fly around in wild gestures, all the while trying to keep my volume as low as possible so Cassandra won’t hear me. “And if it doesn’t? How do I ask her to give all that up? To give up what she’s trained to be her entire life and to give up her fated mate to be with me?” I shake my head and drop my arms to my side in defeat. “There are too many unknowns and too many sacrifices needed on both sides.”
I turn my back to him and grab the counter once more, using the bite of the edge digging into my skin to ground me as I chug the rest of my beer and slam the bottle down. The daisies on the table wink and smile at me, poking at my battered heart and reminding me of Cassandra, teasing me with their scent and their wild beauty that are both so similar to hers.
I knew going into this with her that it was likely only temporary, and I accepted it, but it doesn’t make the verbalization of that fact any less painful.
From behind me, Wes sets his own beer down and crosses the kitchen to my side. “I think those are, again, questions only you and Cassandra can answer. But Nolan?” He claps me on the shoulder. “The only question that really matters is the first one
I asked you, the one you’ve been avoiding answering: do you love her?” My throat works, and I clench my jaw as my chest heaves through each harsh breath I take. “If you can answer that question, then I think the answers for the rest will fall into place.”
NOLAN
“Cassandra!” I poke my head around the stairwell to yell up to the second floor. “Get your cute little ass down here, or I will—“
“Or you’ll what?” she asks as she finishes descending the stairs, her arms crossing over her chest as she stops in front of me.
Even with one of my shirts drowning her petite body in fabric, her breasts squeeze together and lift higher with the gesture. I flick my eyes down to them, and her brow furrows more, a miniature wrinkle appearing on her forehead, and her lips turn down into a faux frown. But there is still that sparkle in her eyes that is almost always there.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I say, my lips twitching with a silent laugh at her failed attempt at a grumpy, stern face.
She turns and starts back up the stairs. “Well, now I want to know.”
I growl playfully and snatch her waist, tugging her back down the stairs and throwing her over my shoulder, much like I did a week ago when I dragged her home from the training fields. She squeals and laughs, and I squeeze her firm, round butt with my hand, the other one sliding up under the hem of her stretchy black shorts on her thigh as I make my way out of the house.
It’s been a few days since her visit with Alpha Benjamin—her brother—and each day brings her closer to her normal, sunshiny self.
I see her constant cheerful demeanor now for what it really is: her method of coping. She smiles and finds beauty in the mundane and solace in her flowers to keep her mind from lingering on her trauma, to prevent it from festering and turning her into a shell of herself. She uses all of that the way I use my routine—to stay grounded and in the present. To keep herself moving forward.
Slamming the door behind me, I continue massaging her butt as I walk down the front path. “Nolan!” she says, laughing and squirming on my shoulder as I stroll down the street, my other hand still creeping up the leg of her shorts. “Put me down!”
“No, I don’t think I will.” I tighten my grip on her. “I don’t trust you to not run back up the stairs.”
“We’re outside and halfway to the training field,” she points out.
“And you’re you, and you would one hundred percent do what I just said without a second thought.” She huffs and I laugh. “You were going to do that, weren’t you?”
She doesn’t answer. Instead, she pushes herself up with her palms against my shoulder and curls her face towards the back of my neck, sinking her teeth into it with a tiny growl.
“Cassandra!” I stop my massaging of her ass and slap it, the noise echoing over the grounds. “You’ll pay for that later,” I mutter, my voice a low rasp thick with promise. Her thighs clench and she gulps. I chuckle again, setting her on her feet in front of me, my hands resting on her hips as I stare down at her, keeping her close. “What do you want to do first?”
She raises her brow and cocks her head to the side. “I thought we were going to run up to your rock on the mountainside?”
I smile at her as the sounds of music, laughter, and general merriment reach her and register in her brain. She spins around and faces the fields, and instead of warriors training, she finds the pack’s annual spring festival, set up overnight by Luna Emily, my mom, and the hospitality team.
Booths for games, crafting, and snacks dot the field, and children frolic through the grass, pinwheels in hand and Cav yipping and chasing after them. Older pack members sit on blankets throughout the grounds, watching the younger ones and smiling at them as they enjoy food and beverages from the vendors and the snack stands.
“What…” Her eyes widen as she takes it all in, a smile growing on her face. “What is this?” she asks, looking at me over her shoulder.
“Our annual spring festival. Haven had it planned for after the mating ball, but my mom and Wesley’s mom moved it earlier to surprise her and cheer her up since she’s starting her maternity leave earlier than planned. They worked all night to get everything ready for today.”
Across the field, a beaming Wes stands behind a crying but smiling Haven, who hugs his mom as tight as she can. He nods at me, and I raise my arm in greeting before turning my attention back to Cassandra.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?