Filed to story: The Alpha’s Pen Pal Book
The shutting of the door behind me yanks me out of my turmoil, forcing me to make a choice, and I dart up the stairs and into Nolan’s room, leaving the folder on the table in the entry. I duck into the closet and take off my sandals, and I have the zipper on my dress halfway down when Nolan enters the closet, his arms crossed as he watches me. I turn my back to him as I undress and toss the shirt I wore this morning back on, my hands shaking and my jaw clenched the entire time.
“I have to admit, for a minute there, I thought Ben was your mate.”
I whip my head towards him, my eyes wide. His face is serious, his brow wrinkled with concern, but there is a small sparkle of humor in his eyes, a sparkle that gives me a smidgen of hope.
The corner of my mouth tips upwards, and I smooth the wrinkled hem of his shirt against my thighs. “That would be weird.”
He nods but says nothing else. I put my dress back on the hanger and place it on the rack, then move to the doorway, scooting past Nolan to enter his bedroom.
But before I can get far, his hand curls around my wrist, stopping me with gentle pressure. “Cassandra.”
I glance over my shoulder, and his features have softened, his eyes scanning over the smile painted on my face that does nothing to hide my watery eyes or my pink-tipped nose or the tremble of my lower lip. But I smile all the same, presenting the picture-perfect version of myself I’ve mastered over the years.
“You don’t always have to smile,” he says, stepping closer, his body hovering next to my arm. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
I pinch my lips together, but I don’t break. My throat swells, and the tears pool, but I hold them back as I lift one shoulder in a subtle shrug. “I’ve lived with this for sixteen years.”
He inhales through his nose, and his fingers flex against my arm. “When you said ‘I can’t—‘”
“It wasn’t—“
“I thought you were flustered or caught up in the moment and couldn’t get your words out properly. Everything was so intense and heated and…” He trails off, his chin dipping to bring his face to my level. My heart clenches in my chest, and I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” I clear my throat and straighten my shoulders, bracing myself for the inevitable rejection. “I understand if you don’t want someone who’s broken.”
His grip on my arm tightens. “I didn’t say that.”
“But my condition—“
He yanks me into his body, his arm circling my waist and the momentum forcing my head to lift and my eyes to meet his. “Your condition changes nothing, Cassandra. Not a damn thing.”
He holds my gaze with fierce certainty. I open my mouth, but the only sound to escape me is a choked sob, followed by a tear streaming down my cheek. He cups my face with one hand, his other arm bracing me and keeping me upright.
“That’s it,” he says as my fingers curl into his shirt, and another tear falls from my eyes. “Let it out.”
I inhale, my breath shuddering and my chin quivering. Now that the tears have started, they won’t stop, no matter how much I blink or how tightly I clench my jaw. My teeth grind together,
and I cling harder to him as I fight against the pain leaking from my eyes.
“Have you ever let yourself cry about it?” Nolan asks, stroking my cheek, and I shake my head. “Why not?”
“I—I don’t—I never—” I shake my head and bury my face in his chest.
He lifts me into his arms, cradling me to his chest, and carries me to the bed, perching on the edge of the mattress with me in his lap. “Then do it now.”
Nolan hugs me, and I weep. I weep for the little five-year-old girl who didn’t understand the enormity of what she’d endured and for the teenager who finally realized what it meant to be infertile. I weep for the future stolen from me, for the fate decided for me by a power-hungry and selfish male. And I weep with gratitude for the arms keeping me steady, the stalwart stability from the muscular body I cling to, and the open, ready acceptance from the male they belong to.
I let all of it out. Every drop of pain—physical and emotional—that I’ve held in over the years. It all exits me in heaving sobs and streaming tears, leaving me raw and exposed in Nolan’s arms.
“I met my mate when I was twenty-two,” Nolan says as my tears ebb. I lean back from his chest and stare at him, my fingers loosening on his shirt, my heart racing in my chest, and my stomach dropping out of my body. “We found each other at a mating ball on the east coast. She fucked me and then rejected me.”
My eyes widen and I sit up straighter. “Please tell me you’re not serious.”
“I wish I wasn’t.”
“What a bitch.” I shake my head. “You’re better off without her.”
He exhales through his nose, a noise that’s almost a laugh. “Thanks.”
I wince and stroke his cheek. “I’m sorry. I just meant—“
“No. You’re right. I am.” His fingers curl around my hip, and he holds my red-rimmed gaze.
“Who was she?” I ask.
“Her name was Kimberly. I don’t know anything else about her. Don’t know her last name or what pack she was from. Nothing.”
My brow furrows. “You never found out?”
“No. She disappeared from the room where we…” He clears his throat, and his gaze shifts downward, his chin dropping. “She took off after rejecting me, and no one could find her. There was no Kimberly on the guest list for the mating ball.”
“Wesley’s dad could have checked the official registry for werewolves named Kimberly, though. You could have tried to find her.”
“Wesley wanted Alpha Harrison to do that, but I said no.” He huffs out a derisive laugh. “What good would it have done? The rejection was complete. Our bond was broken. Why would I want to find her? Why would I want to see her again or speak to her again? What would be the point in chasing after someone who didn’t want me?”
Each word he says is edged with pain. Each sentence he utters is the reopening of an old, unhealed wound. And I taste every ounce of distress, misery, and unresolved trauma pouring from those reopened wounds. It’s a mirror of my own, an echo of what I kept hidden from him. His own secret pain, laid bare for me so I don’t feel isolated in my heartache.
I lick my lips, considering my next question carefully. “So I’m guessing the ring I saw wasn’t for her?”
He gives me another sharp laugh and shakes his head. “No. That was the result of a desperate male trying to cling to someone who was already gone and something that was already over.” He covers my hand on his cheek and moves them both so they rest on his chest, right over his heart. “If you’re broken, then so am I.”
I shake my head at him and press my palm harder against his chest. “You’re not broken, Nolan. You’re resilient.”
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?