Filed to story: The Alpha’s Pen Pal Book
I stare at the cookies next to me, reflecting on everything that’s happened since I met Taryn three weeks ago.
“She’s brought me back to life, Mom. I wasn’t living before. I was just surviving. But now—now I know what it means to love. To let someone in. I thought I didn’t want that. But I was just scared. I feared what being vulnerable would do to me in the long run. I realize how wrong I was, though. About everything.”
I breathe in through my nose, scratching at it, ignoring the itching in my eyes. “I was going to reject her. Tonight. Or I thought I was. Before I got to know her. Now the thought of following through with that makes me nauseous. I can’t imagine any version of the future where she’s not there with me. But I may have ruined that for myself because I was too stubborn to ask for help and too scared to tell anyone the truth, including her. I held it all in, and now it’s bitten me in the ass because I almost marked her. I almost marked her in the middle of the street, like a Goddess damned mutt. And she thinks I freaked out because she kissed me, but—“
I swallow and shake my head, cutting myself off. Even though my mom isn’t here with me, I can’t bring myself to tell her how hot that kiss was. Imaginary Mom does not need to know the details of my sex life.
“I’m going to fix it,” I say, gripping my knees. “And I’m not going to let her go without a fight. And when I make it right, I’m going to bring her here so you can meet her.”
My head drops and I catch it with my hands, burying my face in my palms. Tiny drops of water gather on my lashes, and I let them fall, let them soak my skin.
I let it consume me. All of it. Everything I’ve kept at bay, kept hidden from the world, I let out. I should be doing this with Taryn at my side, confessing to her the darkness that’s held me captive and wrapped itself around the broken pieces of my heart, but even without her here, I know this is a step in the right direction.
If I can say all this to the image of my mom in my head, then I can face Taryn and bare my soul to her. I can show her the broken male beneath the false exterior.
I allow myself to let it all out, with nothing held back. I sit under the light of the full moon, surrounded by the plants my mother nurtured and cultivated as if they were her own children, pretending like she’s here with me to hear my confession and my pain.
REIDMy tears subside,
and
I’m sure I resemble a wrung-out washcloth left to dry on the knob of a bathtub, but I gather the cookies and leave the garden. I would stay longer, but the temperature continues to drop, and the scent of snow lingers in the air, threatening to fall at any moment.
I walk back to the packhouse, retracing my steps from earlier, albeit slower this time.
I know what I need to do. I’ve thought about it since Taryn drove off before giving me a chance to explain. But needing to do something and wanting to do something don’t always go hand in hand, so I take my time, letting my thoughts engulf my mind as I walk.
It’s clear what she thinks. She thinks I was using her, telling her what she wanted to hear so I could get something out of her. And maybe the old me would have done that. But I’m not that male anymore. Not since the night she barreled into my life with her scent and her smile, her sass, and her fiery drive.
I push my regret, my remorse, and my repentance down that connection to her. I channel it all into that tiny sliver of a thread tying us to each other, even though she can’t feel it. But I do it anyway, just in case, by some miracle, she can. That connection is my hope, my lifeline, my comfort. The dandelion wisps of disappointment and embarrassment blowing towards me from Taryn’s side remind me the bond is real and anchor every beat of my heart. They remind me that someday, soon, she will feel it too.
Before I know it, I’ve dropped off the remaining cookies in the kitchen and I’m back on the second floor of the packhouse where the beta, gamma, and delta apartments are. I stand with my hands on my hips, my chin to my chest. My shoulders rise and fall as I take deep breaths and steel myself to do what I know needs to be done.
I don’t want to. Goddess, I want nothing less. But I can’t think of anyone else to help me.
I take one final breath, then raise my fist and knock on the door.
Sebastian pulls his apartment door open, dressed in green plaid pajama pants and a black T-shirt, and blinks at me. “What’s up?” he asks, frowning.
I sigh and rub the back of my head, grimacing. “I need your help.”
He nods and opens his door wider, stepping aside. I shove my hands in my pockets and walk past him, standing in the entryway as he closes the door.
I can’t remember the last time I was in his apartment, but it looks the same as it has since he moved in when we took over the pack almost three years ago. It’s clean and tidy, although not over the top, perfectionist clean, like Haven and Wesley’s house. They are neat freaks and picky about where things go and how their house should look. Sebastian’s is just a minimalist vibe. He has what he needs and nothing more.
“What do you need help with?” he asks, strolling into his living room.
He sits on the tan couch, closing his book after tucking a small red bookmark into it. I perch on the matching armchair, elbows on my knees and hands clasped between them, my body leaning forward. My throat clenches and my foot bounces, but Seb waits, folding a rumpled navy blue blanket.
He’s patient and quiet and will sit here all night while I debate with myself how to tell him, where to start, or if I should tell him at all. But I don’t have all night.
“Taryn’s my mate,” I blurt, running my hands through my hair again. “She’s my mate, and she doesn’t feel our mate bond.”
He freezes, the blanket halfway folded in his hands, and he stares at me. We’re both silent for a moment, gazes held, and I continue. “I’ve known since the moment I saw her on our blind date. But she didn’t feel it. And I’ve searched the library and the internet, and I haven’t found any answers about why I am the only one of the two of us who can feel the bond.”
Everything floods out like a leak in a water hose, but there is no stopping me now that I’ve started. I’ve kept it all to myself for so long. Spilling it to Sebastian is an indescribable relief. Like a weight off my chest. Like Atlas putting the heavens down after holding them for Selene only knows how long.
“At first I was going to reject her, but the more time I spent with her and the more I got to know her, the clearer it became I was falling for her. For her, not the bond,” I clarify. “Before, I would have told you there was no difference, but now I understand. I realize how wrong I’ve been.” I sigh and run my hands down my face. “Anyway, I was going to tell her the truth after her warrior challenge, but she failed it and has been in an emotional funk ever since, so I was going to wait until after the wedding. But now I think I’ve fucked everything up irreparably.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and breathe, eyes squeezed shut.
“How’d you fuck it up?” Seb asks.
I peek at him, ready to see him giving me one of his smug smirks or a venomous glare, but his eyes examine me, and I can tell that calculating brain of his is already working through everything I’ve said, already plotting some method of redemption for me.
“She kissed me,” I confess, and I swear his lip twitches, swear he’s holding in a laugh, but otherwise he doesn’t react. “She kissed me in front of Brewed Awakenings earlier this afternoon, and my wolf pushed forward and my canines descended and—and I pushed her away, and she thinks it’s because I panicked about the kiss, when really it was because I was trying to hide that I almost marked her!”
I jump from the chair and pace, tugging at the strands of my hair. “What do I do? How do I make this right? She’s supposed to come to the wedding with Alpha Dickhead tomorrow—“
“Alpha Dickhead?”
“I mean Alpha Dominic—and I want to tell her, but I know she’s going to be angry—so, so angry, and—“
“And you don’t want to ruin Wesley and Haven’s big day or cause a scene,” he finishes, and I nod. “Reid…” He shakes his head and sighs. “I knew something was going on between the two of you—you and Taryn—but I didn’t…” He rubs his chin and sets the blanket aside, standing and grabbing my shoulders to stop my dramatic pacing. “Are you sure she doesn’t feel it too?”
“What?”
“I’ve never heard of only one mate feeling the bond. Maybe she’s pretending?”
I shake my head. “No. No way,” I say. “I can feel her, Seb.” I point at my chest, stabbing at it with my finger. “She is devastated. Embarrassed. Angry. She’s been throwing so many negative emotions down our bond all evening. She’s not faking it. It’s genuine.”
He searches my eyes, then nods and squeezes my shoulders. “Okay. We can’t do anything drastic right now. Or tomorrow. We both have jobs to do to help with the wedding and reception, and those jobs are our priority. But I promise you, after tomorrow night, once Wes and Haven are on their honeymoon, I will help you figure out what is going on with your mate. We can ask my dad, talk with Dr. Russo… Hell, we’ll call in a favor with King Malachi if we have to.”
I let out a long, slow breath, and nod. “Okay.”
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?