Filed to story: The Alpha’s Pen Pal Book
“I know!” I exclaim, lifting my arm. “Total dickhead.”
Through the phone I hear her pointe shoe tapping against the hardwood floor of the dance studio, and I can picture her biting her lip with her arm crossed, trying not to smile, waffling like she does when she’s trying to be mad at Wesley but can’t stay angry for long.
“Well, it sounds like he needed someone to knock some sense into him,” she mutters. “But next time, say something to Alpha Ben or Wesley, okay? You know neither of them stands for that sort of attitude.”
“Yes, Luna. I will… try to do that next time.”
“Good,” she says, and I know she’s smiling now. “Okay, I’ve got to go back to rehearsal. Peter is pretending to glare at me.”
“You can tell the difference between the real glares and the pretend ones?” Wesley asks, brow furrowing. “Wait, are they all pretend?”
“Bye, Wesley!” she yells, and I pull the phone from my ear, wincing. Even three years later, she forgets he can hear her fine without having to raise her voice. “Love you!”
“Love you too, Twinkle Toes,” he replies.
“Love you too, Luna!” I chime in, winking at Wes.
He rolls his eyes as I hang up. “You know that doesn’t bother me like it used to,” he says, taking the phone back and standing. “She has my mark.”
“Are you saying you don’t believe I’m sincere when I express my love for my luna?” I ask, placing a hand over my heart as he walks around the desk. “I am deeply offended.”
He smacks me on the back of the head. “Fuck off.”
I laugh, and his lips twitch, but he crosses his arms and raises his brows at me, back to being the stern, disciplinary alpha instead of my best friend.
“I’m sorry, Alpha,” I say, sighing. “I know I didn’t handle that appropriately, especially since I am the beta. I just… I snapped when I heard him say that. About females.”
“And Taryn,” Wesley adds, and I nod. “How is what he said different from the way you treat females?”
“I don’t—I haven’t—I’m not like that!” My jaw clenches and I cross my arms. “Okay, yes, I have slept around. A lot. But I never used an app where females are trying to find a mate to find myself a one-night stand! And I was always up front about what females were getting from me if they spent an evening with me. And I would never go bragging to other males saying ‘Hey, check this chick out; she was an easy lay!'”
I pace back and forth in front of him, my voice raising and my rant punctuated by dramatic arm gestures. He covers his mouth with his fist, his lips twitching again behind it, his shoulders shaking, and his eyes glinting.
I stop in my tracks, narrow my eyes, and point my finger at him. “And don’t act like you don’t have a string of brokenhearted females you left in the dust when you realized they didn’t measure up to your impossible standards.”
“It wasn’t an impossible standard,” he says, lowering his hand and leaning back against his desk.
“Unachievable, then. Because the standard was Haven. Even when you didn’t know she was your mate, you knew she was the only one you wanted.”
He shrugs, his head tilting to the side, a genuine smile on his lips now. “True.”
His hands rest on the edge of the desk, and he crosses one leg over the other, dropping his alpha aura. My gaze moves to the neckline of his shirt, to the tail end of his “Dear Pen Pal” tattoo in Haven’s handwriting on his marking spot. Then I look back at his face.
“How do you handle it?” I ask, the words out before I can reconsider.
“Handle what?”
I swallow, biting my tongue for a second, wishing I could reel my initial question back in, before I continue. “Knowing you might lose her. Knowing if you did, it would be excruciating. It would be the worst pain imaginable.”
He takes a deep, slow breath through his nose, his lips pressing together. “I already lost her once,” he says. “When I was twelve.”
“I know,” I say, nodding. “And that was before you knew you were mates. Before you’d marked her. It would be even worse now.”
“I’ll be honest,” he says, knuckles turning white as his grip tightens on the desk. “I think I’d die if I lost her again.” His voice cracks and drops to a whisper, his eyes glistening as he bares his soul to me.
“And you’re just… okay with that? With having her, even knowing it would kill you if you lost her?”
“What’s the alternative? Not having her at all?” He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t trade my life with her for anything. Loving her is worth it.”
My throat tightens, and I look out the window, towards the lake and the hills and the border near the summit where Silver Ridge’s lands meet ours. Taryn’s face flashes in my mind, her laugh ringing in my ears as she tilts her head up to the sky. I flex my fingers, the whisper of her hand grasped in mine sending ghost fireworks through my body.
If I accept her, there will always be the fear of losing her. Of turning out like my dad. It will never go away. It will follow me around like a duckling following its mother.
But if I reject her, I lose her for real. No going back. No do-over. No second chance.
I’m not sure which is worse. I thought I knew, but deep down, I’m terrified of both.
“What brought this up?” Wes asks.
My imaginary Taryn dissipates, like a dust devil on back country roads, there and gone again before you can figure out if it’s real.
“Just curious,” I say, shrugging. “With your wedding coming up, it’s been on my mind.”
He stares at me, and I stare back. He doesn’t believe me, but I can’t tell him the truth. I don’t talk about my feelings. I don’t confide in people. That’s not who I am, not how I operate.
And even if I told him, it would open a whole other can of worms, bring so many issues to light that I am not sure I am ready to face yet.
He could alpha command me to tell him the truth, but he doesn’t. He just nods and stands up straight, clapping me on the shoulder.
“I’ll let Ben know what happened,” he says as he opens the door. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Seb and I can handle things, and I can ask Levi to step in too, if needed.”
I nod and exit the office, my hand reaching for my phone before I’ve taken two steps down the hall. “See you later,” I say, waving to Wes over my shoulder, my brain already focusing on my next task.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?