Filed to story: Tangled in Moonlight Unshifted Novel by Lenaleia
“I need to go back,” I say, my words coming out in a rush. “I need to be able to reach her. She doesn’t know what’s going on.”
Magister Orion holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “Of course. We can leave immediately if you wish. But please, consider staying for a moment. This room offers unparalleled protection and privacy for your training. It could be invaluable.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. He’s right, I know he’s right, but the absence of Selene feels like a physical ache. Oddly, my mate bond is quiet in my chest. Not painful like the loss of Selene, like it still exists.
How can that be?
“How long will I be in here?” I ask, my voice still shaky.
“That’s up to you,” Magister Orion says. “We can start with short sessions if you prefer. An hour here might only be a few minutes outside.”
Thank you all for your patience with updates!
I am working on securing an office this week, where I can work in peace. (Super excited about this.) However, just as I’m doing these
Magister Orion’s version of training is reminiscent of Jericho’s somehow, though he doesn’t insult me or force me to run massive amounts of laps.
It’s more like this inexorable insistence that he believes in my ability that forces me to try, and try again, and again, until sweat is pouring down my face and back. It’s worse than physical training because it’s an agony that breaks my entire body down from within, but it’s better because I can breathe without feeling like my lungs are burning out.
Magister Orion’s voice washes over me, a soothing balm to my frazzled nerves. “Close your eyes, Ava Grey Block out the world around you. Let your magic flow through your veins.”
His instructions are the same as before. Simple. Repetitive. Calm.
I take a deep breath, trying to follow his instructions. My eyes flutter shut, and I attempt to focus inward. Earlier, he told me to stop screwing my eyes shut, but to only rest them like butterfly’s wings.
He waxes a little poetic, I’ve noticed.
“Allow it into your heart, your circulation,” he continues. “Feel it becoming a part of you.”
Nothing happens in my veins. No warmth, no fizzle, no pop. The magic within me is warm and enveloped in its own little area, probably laughing at me because I can’t figure this out.
“You’ve blocked it off, treated it like an invasive species,” Magister Orion says. “But it’s a part of you, Ava Grey. It always has been. You need to accept it into every fiber of your being. Let it flow through you, from the tips of your toes to the ends of your hair.”
The image of magic coursing through my hair makes me snicker. I can’t help but picture it: every blonde strand glowing like fiber optic cables, leaving me as bright as a Christmas tree.
“Focus, Ava,” Magister Orion rebukes me gently. “This isn’t a joke. Your magic is serious business.”
Inod, chastened, and try to concentrate again. This exercise feels different from working with the elements. There’s no water to flow with, no fire to ignite. It’s just… me. My power. My essence.
But how do I tap into that?
I reach deep within myself, searching for that elusive spark of magic. It’s there, of course. But it doesn’t go anywhere.
My body is empty of anything except the rhythmic pulsing of my heartbeat and my slow, deep breathing.
Forever goes by, ticking away minute by minute. My body aches from the effort. Sweat beads on my forehead and trickles down my back. My muscles tremble with exertion.
Despite having no success, my body is feeling the strain. That must mean something’s happening, right?
“Relax,” Magister Orion’s voice cuts through my concentration. “You’re trying too hard. Your magic isn’t something to be forced. It’s a part of you, as natural as breathing.”
Popping my eyes open, I blink against the artificial fluorescent lights this strange room has decided are necessary. “I don’t understand. How can it be natural when I can’t even feel it?”
“Because you’re looking for it in the wrong place,” he evnlaina notiently “Vou’re searching for something separate from yourself, but your magic isn’t separate. It’s you. The separation is all in your head.”
He’s wrong. It’s a ball inside of me. I can feel it, sense it, and reach for it at any time. I just can’t access it.
Still, I try to focus on his words. Maybe it really is in my head. Maybe this little ball of energy in the core of me is just a psychosomatic manifestation of my magical aptitude.
I close my eyes again, trying to shift my perspective. Instead of reaching for something outside myself, I attempt to sink into my own being.
But it’s like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands. The harder I try, the more it slips away from me. Saying it is all well and good, but how do you do that?
It’s just me in my head.
My voice in the emptiness.
Nothing else.
My body feels heavier with each passing moment, worn down by the constant strain. My head throbs, a dull ache pulsing behind my eyes.
“I can’t do it,” I finally admit, my voice small and defeated. “It’s impossible. I’ve made zero progress.”
Magister Orion’s hand rests gently on my shoulder. “That’s enough for today. You’ve pushed yourself hard.
Rest now.”
As I open my eyes, the room spins slightly. My legs wobble as I stand, and I have to grip the back of my chair to steady myself.
Wait.
Since when have I been sitting on a chair? I was sitting on the floor all this time.
The room flickers, and I swear it’s trying to tell me something. Like it’s alive.
Am I supposed to thank it for providing a chair for me? Or is it just my imagination, throwing human emotions onto something inanimate?
This world of magic is hard to decipher.
“Why is this so difficult?” I ask, frustration coloring my tone. “I could feel the elements a little bit. Why is my magic so hard to get to?”
Magister Orion’s eyes are kind as he regards me. “It’s fundamentally different, Ava Grey. The elements exist outside of you. Your innate magic is a part of you. It’s like asking a fish to describe water. It’s so integral to your existence that
By the time we exit the training room, Vanessa and Marcus have to hold me up to walk in a straight line. <
It isn’t the type of exhaustion where my muscles are sore and stretched and tired after running or doing a thousand squats. It’s more like the energy in my body has bled away, leaving me so weak that my muscles can no longer function properly.
When exercising, you can kind of feel good about your exertion. The pain and exhaustion comes with a sense of accomplishment.
This?
It just feels like I’m a wet dish rag wrung out one too many times.
The water’s gone, and now I’m going to float away on the next strong breeze.
Ava! Where did you go?
Selene’s panic is so explosive in my head that my legs buckle, even with the support of two shifters.
Long story. Training room. Magic place. My body’s dead. Training sucks.
Even in my head, I can only speak in short sentences. It feels fuzzy and also like something’s slamming into it with a sledgehammer, fueled by the rage of a thousand flying monkeys.
Not sure where the flying monkeys came from, but I’m just going to go with it.
Are you okay? she asks, and the warmth and care from her side of the bond also seems to infuse me with a little bit of extra energy.
Her concern also makes me feel a little better. Like having a parent who’s panicked after they wake up in the middle of the night to see their child gone; someone who cares about me. I need food. And sleep, I tell her. Maybe not in that order.
“I see you’ve reestablished contact,” Magister Orion says, peering at my face. “Does it hurt to speak with your wolf?”
My head jerks up. “What? No. Why do you ask?”
“Ah, I’m sorry. You just looked so pained…”
“She always looks like that,” Vanessa says, sounding amused.
Marcus nods, despite his silence.
“Sorry for not having years of experience, I mutter, wishing I had the strength to shove the both of them off me.
Guards, my ass. They’re way too comfortable making fun of me for such a lowly title.