Filed to story: Tangled in Moonlight Unshifted Novel by Lenaleia
The doctor nods, stepping back from the bed. “Time of death, pm.”
The nurse taps away on her tablet, her fingers flying across the screen as she documents the moment. It feels strange, reducing the end of a life to a few taps on a screen.
The doctor turns to me, his eyes filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he says, his voice gentle.
I nod, the words sticking in my throat. “Thank you,” I manage, my voice sounding distant and foreign to my own ears.
As the doctor and nurse leave the room, I catch snippets of their conversation, their voices low and hushed.
“Such a shame,” the nurse murmurs. “To end like this…”
The doctor nods, his reply too low for me to hear.
And then, they’re gone, leaving me alone with Vanessa and the shell of the woman who was once my mother.
Vanessa’s hand finds my shoulder, a gentle touch that grounds me in the moment. “Are you okay?” she asks, her voice soft with concern.
I shake my head, the movement feeling slow and sluggish. “I don’t know,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “I have no idea how to feel.”
As I stand here staring at the lifeless form of the woman who brought me into this world, I’m lost. Adrift in a sea of emotions that
I can’t even begin to name.
Grief, anger, relief, guilt… they all swirl together, indistinguishable from one to the next.
“Did I do this? Did I kill her because I wanted to talk to her wolf?”
She shake her head. “No. She was ready to go. We had another day, maybe two, at most.”
I want to ask why she didn’t tell me that, but I don’t.
There’s a strange sense of emptiness. A void where my mother once was, a space that I’m not sure can ever be filled.
Selene’s cold nose startles me out of my paralyzed state, brushing against the back of my hand.
It’s okay to not know how to feel, she whispers in my mind. Grief is complicated, and your relationship with her was even more so.
My fingers tangle in her fur as I try to anchor myself in the present. All I can do is breathe. To let the reality of my mother’s death wash over me, to feel the weight of it settle into my bones.
Vanessa brushes a hand against my shoulder. “Let’s go, Ava,” she murmurs, her voice soft and understanding. “You’ve been through enough for one night.”
I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat, and allow her to guide me from the room. Selene follows close behind.
As we make our way through the quiet hospital corridors, my mind churns with unanswered questions and conflicting emotions. My mother’s wolf’s apology echoes in my ears, a bittersweet melody that both soothes and stings.
For now, as I step out into the cool night air, I allow myself a moment to breathe and for my
“Are you okay?”
Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.
Much better than coffee.
“I’m okay.”
The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.
The weather isn’t chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor th
It’s a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.
Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there’s only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.
There are, of course, the everpresent guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.
But at least they’re giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.
“How are you holding up this week Ava? Since we last talked… A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different.” Vanessa’s gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.
Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.
I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. “It’s been hard,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “Mostly, it feels like I’m stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don’t like the perso
Vanessa’s hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. “Don’t overthink it. Trust in those around you. We’re here to support you.”
Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. “What about Jericho? Lucas and Kell seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him.”
She sighs, a sound laden with weariness. “One of the worst epidemics among wolf shifters is their narrow mindedness. It’s a product of their wolf legacy, I’m afraid. It’s hard to get them to go back on their own conclusions.”
Tilting my head, I try to puzzle through her words.
It sounds a lot like they’re just being idiots, but pairing the word idiot with alpha isn’t something I’m comfortable with.
She catches my expression and laughs. “When a new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha’s most trusted advisors end up retiring. New blood, loyal to the current alpha, is brought in.”
“Oh?” My mind reels. That explains a lot. I wondered why all my bodyguards were retired, despite being in great shape.”
Not a single one of them twitch at the compliment, even though I know they can hear every word we’re saying.
“Renard has been alpha for as long as I can remember, so I’ve never seen it happen in Blackwood.”
Vanessa shrugs, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. “Yes, well in Jericho’s case, he made some mistakes that led to the death of the previous alpha and his Luna. It’s a stigma he’s never been able to fully shake in Lu
“That seems…” I grope for a word to convey my thoughts properly.
“Shortsighted? Stupid? Absolutely asinine? I agree.”
An incredulous sound halfway between a laugh and a gasp comes out of me as I glance around in a panic.
Of course, there are only the guards nearby.
“Vanessa! You can’t talk about Lucas like that.” I pause. “Can you?”
Settling her chin in her hand, she watches Selene, who’s still sleeping. “They’re used to it. I’ve said far worse to his face. But it isn’t really as simple as I’ve made it out to be. You’ll hear about it soon enough, I’m sure.”
There isn’t really a great way to respond to that, so I just say, “Oh,” and stare at the sky again. “If that mistake changed how they think of Jericho, I’m never going to
“You will. Wolves are used to pups making terrible mistakes. You aren’t the first youngling with blood on your hands. Even in
Jericho’s day, there were idiot scuffles where several lives were taken because of a single hotheaded idiot. He became the alpha when he was older, and now his son is alpha.”
Crossing my arms over my abdomen, I refrain from pointing out that I’m twenty years old, not fifteen. But it gives me a little comfort to know I’m not the only idiot out there.
Still a pup, Selene whispers. Clearly, she’s not really asleep.
“Been spending all your time feeling bad, wondering how to make things better?”
Vanessa’s still not looking at me. She’s just casually perched there, looking ahead of her, making conversation.
My shoulders ease a little. “Yes. Jericho keeps telling me to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself and start acting, but I don’t…” Flapping my hands sentence.
“Don’t know what to do to fix things.”
“Yeah.”
“There’s no easy fix, Ava. You just have to move forward trying to make better choices than the day before. Apologize to those you’ve wronged. Take res your actions. And do your best every day. There’s no magic answer.”
That seems a little too simplistic of a world view after everything I’ve put Lucas and the pack through.
“I’m trying.”
“I know.”