Filed to story: My Life with the Walter Boys Book (I & II) PDF Free
“What do you mean, ‘this isn’t working’?” he finally asked in a carefully controlled tone. “This, as in our three-week-long relationship?”
My throat constricted. “I—yes.”
“No shit, Jackie,” he said through clenched teeth. Even from five feet away, I could feel the frustration pouring off him in waves. “You haven’t given us enough time for it to work.”
“Exactly how much time do I owe you, then?” I said as a tiny flame of resentment kindled in my chest. “A month? Three?” It was an unfair question, but there was a defiant look in Cole’s eyes that said he wouldn’t lie down and roll over so easily. If I had to resort to fighting fire with fire, so be it. “When I came back in August, I warned you that I’m not okay yet. So I’m sorry our relationship isn’t at the top of my priority list, but my entire world imploded, and I’m just starting to put the pieces back together. I wish I could snap my fingers and be all healed up for you, but it doesn’t work that way, Cole.”
“That’s what you’re going with? The you’re too broken spiel?” He shook his head. “Give me a break, Jackie. Neither of us are stupid enough to believe that.”
I bristled. “So you think I’m pretending to be upset?”
“Of course not! Anyone with eyes can see that you’re still struggling.” A vein pulsed in his temple as he spoke. “Do you honestly think I haven’t noticed that you struggle to breathe when something reminds you of your family? Or how you’re up at the crack of dawn each day because you can’t sleep?”
“What’s your point?”
Cole yanked off his snapback and carved his fingers through his hair, gripping it at the roots before letting go. He jammed the hat back on. “Remember when I took you to the Rift?” he asked. “We were having a really great time, but then you found that teacup.”
“I remember,” I whispered as the memory coiled around my chest like a vise.
“I could tell you were on the verge of spiraling, but that didn’t happen, did it?” The floor of the gazebo creaked as he walked over and crouched down in front of me. “You pushed through the pain so you could stay in the moment with me, and that means something, Jackie.”
“Oh really? Like what? That being with you will heal me?” I scoffed and rolled my eyes even as a thread of doubt wove its way through the cracks in my psyche. What if he was right? What if being with him helped, and he was exactly what I needed?
No, stop!
I couldn’t start second-guessing myself.
“Well, I wouldn’t put it like that, but…yeah,” he admitted, his familiar cocky smile flickering to life on his face, then dying just as quickly. He reached out and put his hand on my knee. “Living in Colorado, spending time with me and my family, all that is good for you. You’re doing way better than this summer, and don’t try to deny it. Danny told me how bad things got. It’s only been two months, but now you’re running election campaigns and being a big sister to Parker and worrying about Isaac even though he’s turned into a raging asshole. Don’t push me away because we got into a little bit of trouble.”
He said this all so easily, with his whole chest, like if he spoke with enough conviction, it would changes things. It made my heart hurt, knowing that even if he was right, my mind was already made up. He had no idea what was at stake for me, how much worse off I’d be if I lost another family.
“Cole…”
“No, listen. This is gonna sound cheesy, but being with you makes me feel right in a way I haven’t felt since playing football,” he told me, his voice rough with emotion. “I know you’re still grieving, but let me support you through it. I don’t want to lose this feeling with you.”
The expression on his face was so soft, his eyes so blue.
“That’s not fair,” I said, shrinking away from his gaze. The tender way he was watching me was overwhelming, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. “You can’t put the pressure of your happiness on my shoulders.”
Time paused for a single, breathless beat, but that was all it took for his mood to shift.
“Are you shitting me?” He rose out of his crouched position so he was standing over me and clenched his fists. “That’s not what I’m doing at all.”
“Really? Considering your whole life right now, and then you tell me I’m the only good part of it…” I lifted my shoulder in a half shrug.
“What do you mean?” he snapped. “What are you saying about my life right now?”
“You know exactly what I mean!” I exclaimed, losing my patience. “You decide to defer school, then start brooding because you feel left behind, because all you’re doing is working at your jobs and have nothing going on—“
Cole reared back as if I’d struck him. “Is that how you see it?”
Crap, that came out wrong. “No, I—“
“What?” he spat. “You think I’m some loser because I don’t have a bright, shiny future at Princeton lined up for myself like you do?”
I looked down at my hands in my lap. “Those are your words, not mine.” This wasn’t how I’d wanted our conversation to go, for Cole to believe I thought so little of him, but how could I fix things now when the final outcome would be the same either way?
“Well, you’ve obviously been thinking them if you feel like I’m putting the pressure of my happiness on your shoulders.”
“Cole, please,” I said, trying to tell him he was getting things twisted, but he was done listening, done talking, done with me.
“No!” He slashed his hand through the air to cut me off. “Just forget it, Jackie. You don’t need to concern yourself with my feelings anymore. Clearly, they were never a priority for you to begin with.”
Then Cole walked away just like he had that night in the barn.
The difference was this time, it felt like for good.
Fourteen
Fourteen
“I have some news to share,” Cole told his family halfway through dinner Friday night.
I wasn’t hungry, I hadn’t been since our conversation at the community center last weekend, but the only remaining vestige of my appetite vanished at his words. His expression was neutral when I stole a look at him through the curtain of my hair, but that didn’t stop my stomach from churning, and I immediately set down my fork as a sense of déjà vu flooded through me. The last time he made an announcement at dinner, I’d lost my bedroom as a result.
Cole paused as he waited for the table to quiet down, but that only opened the floor to his impatient siblings.
“Did you get a tattoo like Isaac?” Benny asked excitedly, which made Katherine choke and prompted a round of snickering from the rest of the group. The infamous tattoo incident had made an impression on the youngest Walter; Benny was constantly asking Isaac to see the phoenix on his back or talking about what kind of ink he wanted to get when he was older, much to his mother’s distress.
“Not likely,” Jordan said as he helped himself to another serving of mashed potatoes. “Even if he did, I don’t think he’s stupid enough to announce it at dinner.”
Jack nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Mom would kill him. I bet he got another promotion or something like that.”
“Are you the manager at the Gas Exchange now too?” Isaac asked, his tone mocking. “Congrats, man. At this rate, you won’t need to go to college.”
His comment made me flinch, but thankfully nobody noticed.