Filed to story: My Life with the Walter Boys Book (I & II) PDF Free
“Aren’t you supposed to be mucking out the stalls?” he retorted.
I gestured at the wheelbarrow that needed to be brought out to the compost. The pitchfork had to be put away as well, but all the grueling work was done. “I’m basically finished.”
“Me too,” he said, but I highly doubted that.
After he was arrested, Katherine tasked her nephew with sorting through thirty-plus years of possessions that had built up in the undercroft (as Isaac had taken to calling it) over the course of raising twelve kids. With the exception of George’s workroom, the Walters used the lowest level of their house like a giant storage unit. There were boxes upon boxes to go through. Everything not important enough to keep needed to be organized into different categories since it would all be donated to the community rummage sale. Cole was assigned to help Isaac when the two of us were grounded, but even with two pairs of hands, the boys had barely put a dent in what was turning out to be a massive project.
Since it wasn’t my job to police him and I was too drained for our usual back-and-forth, I pretended to believe his lie. “What’s up with the horns?”
Cole shrugged. “Found a box of old Halloween costumes. I think Alex was looking for something to wear to Chase’s party. Isaac’s got on the matching halo, but I know it’d look better on you,” he said with a flirty wink. “Come hang out with us after you shower. There’s a bunch of cool stuff down there. I’ve been going through my parents’ yearbooks, and Isaac came across a chest packed with a bunch of vintage clothes I think you’ll like. It must have been my grandma’s.”
“Didn’t you say you were done?”
“I lied.” He waggled his brows and pointed to his accessory. “Devil, remember?”
As if I could I forget. Although most people thought of him as the golden boy, Cole could be wicked when he wanted to. I was intimately familiar with his mean streak, and I suspected he got up to just as much trouble as his siblings. The difference was he knew how to get away with it. He also liked to push boundaries and bend rules, which was part of what drew me to him, but look where that got us this time.
“What do you say?” Cole asked when I didn’t reply. “You, me, and a musty basement. I know it’s not the best offer, but we’ll find a way to have fun. What if we pretend Isaac isn’t there? That will drive him crazy.”
I wet my lips. “Um, tonight isn’t good for me. I have a lot of homework to get done.”
His smile sank, but he quickly hitched it back up. “Then do it in the basement.” Either Cole really wanted to hang out or I didn’t smell as bad as I thought, because he pushed away from the wall and sat down beside me. “I’ll clear off the old desk and promise not to bug you. Please?” he added. “We haven’t seen each other since Sunday.”
Guilt speared through my chest, but I held fast to my decision and shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cole.”
“Why?”
“Your parents—“
“Don’t use them as an excuse,” he snapped. “Be honest—are you avoiding me?”
The word no sat on the tip of my tongue, but that was a lie, wasn’t it? For the past four days, I’d steered clear of Cole whenever he came home from work. Not because I was mad at him but because I didn’t want to ruffle Katherine’s feathers further than we already had. “Well, not exactly. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?” he challenged, twisting on the bench to face me.
“I don’t know how to explain it, Cole,” I said, dropping my gaze to my feet, “but when I’m with you, I feel…normal-ish.” As the stumbling explanation left my mouth, I realized this was about so much more than the past few days. The uneasiness creeping over me went back to much bigger issues—primarily, my uncontrollable grief.
“That’s a bad thing?”
“No, but…sometimes I miss my family so much, it’s debilitating,” I told him. “There’s this razor-sharp ache in my chest that’s impossible to ignore, like my heart’s been wrapped in barbed wire, and no matter what I do or how much time passes, I know it’ll be there for the rest of my life.” Tears had gathered in my eyes, but I brushed them away before they could fall. “Then there are days when you smile at me and I just…forget. All the pain fades away, and that makes me feel so damn guilty. How can I be heartbroken in one moment and happily kissing you the next?”
“Jackie.” Cole’s tone was understanding but firm. “Look at me.”
When I did, his features softened.
“Stop worrying about grieving wrong. It’s not something you can mess up,” he said, gently knocking his knee against mine. “Healing isn’t a linear process. Some days will be better than others.”
“That’s easy for you to say.” I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat. “You can’t possibly imagine what it feels like, losing everyone you care about in one fell swoop.”
His responding nod was so deferential it made me feel like I was being irrational. “I know I don’t understand, and I mean this in the most sincere, non-jackass way possible, but—I wonder if you’re using that as a reason to avoid something that scares you?” he said. “Your parents wouldn’t hate you for moving on, Jackie, and no matter what, my family and I will always be here for you.”
Will they, though?
I’d thought the same thing about my own family.
What would happen if Cole and I continued dating, things got super serious, but then we broke up? Would the Walters be forced to take sides? Danny promised to answer my calls even if I broke his brother’s heart, but was I really willing to take that chance? Why would any of the Walters choose me over their own flesh and blood?
That was when I finally understood why I’d been pulling away from Cole since Katherine caught us in bed together. What it came down to was that the Walters meant everything to me. They’d taken me into their home after I lost mine, became my new support system, and showed me how to live again. I already knew the pain of losing one family; I couldn’t lose another.
The problem was, where did that leave me with Cole?
As if sensing my inner turmoil, one of the horses nickered from two stalls down.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around my waist. Until I sorted out the confusing jumble of thoughts and feelings inside my head, it would be better if we kept our distance. “II can’t brush off last weekend like nothing happened. I need some space, okay?”
Cole’s expression hardened. “What, like last time?”
I must have hesitated for a beat too long, because he scoffed and stormed off without another word.
Thirteen
Thirteen
“Jackie, what are you doing?”
I glanced up from where I lay on my stomach, one arm shoved beneath the bed. Parker stood in the doorway, rugby bag slung over one shoulder and mud smeared across her face. She was assessing the situation with a puzzled frown.
“Looking for my necklace,” I said, shooting to my feet. Maybe she knew where it was? While Parker normally wrinkled her nose at my choice in wardrobe, I’d caught her inspecting my jewelry box on more than one occasion, and I knew what it was like to have a sister. I used to borrow Lucy’s stuff all the time without asking her. “Have you seen it?”
“No, sorry. I’d offer to help, but…” She trailed off, eyes warily darting around our room.
Parker didn’t need to elaborate for me to understand her hesitation, because where would she even start? In the past fifteen minutes,
I’d made a complete mess of our shared space. Every dresser drawer was pulled open, clothes strewn about. I’d stripped the bedding off my mattress, dumped the contents of my purse and backpack onto the carpet, and ransacked both the closet and our desks.
My shoulders slumped, and I blinked a few times to hold back tears. Until this moment, I didn’t realize how much hope I had in her miraculously producing my mother’s pendant.