Filed to story: Can’t Get Enough Of You
“Izzy!” she gasped.
“I’m an idiot. What can I say?” I said, burying my face in my hands.
“You’re not an idiot,” she said, taking my hand. “It was a mistake. But let’s find out how big that mistake was.”
My stomach twisted in a knot of nerves as we got the check and left. What if I really was pregnant? What if this was real? I didn’t know where to find Nolan. But no, I scolded myself. One step at a time. Maybe it really was just a scare, and there was no reason to be worried.
We met Bernie outside the neighborhood grocery store, and after exchanging hugs, we walked to the aisle that stocked pregnancy tests. The tests were sandwiched between the condoms and the baby products.
“This has got to be some kind of joke,” I said grimly, looking at the display. “A reminder on one side, the consequence on the other.”
Bernie shook her head and looped her arm through mine. “They had to lump it together, no one wants to look for the condoms in the veggie aisle. It would make everyone uncomfortable seeing them right next to the cucumbers.”
I burst out laughing. I was suddenly relieved my friends were both here to help me through this, and I didn’t have to do it alone.
I bought a home pregnancy test, and we all marched to my apartment together.
We weren’t roommates anymore-in our last year of studies, we were all in apartments of our own. But I was so glad the first-year dorms had thrown the three of us together. They were the best friends a woman could have.
“I’ll be back,” I said when I walked to the bathroom, leaving Bernie and June on my bed where they looked just as nervous as I felt.
I peed on the stick, replacing the cap after and walking back to the bedroom.
“Three minutes,” I said. “And then the rest of my life might totally change.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Bernie said, squeezing my hand.
“Yeah,” June said. “No matter what, we’re here for you. You’re going to get through this.”
“How do you know?” I asked with a shudder. The idea of having a baby was terrifying.
“Because you’re like a cat, Izzy,” Bernie said. “You always land on your feet. If the breakup with Ryan didn’t prove it, the way you’re working and studying like a madwoman sure does.”
I nodded. My friends were right, I was going to get through this. And they were going to be here for me. I was so lucky to have them.
I just hoped that I wasn’t pregnant. I could do anything I set my mind to, but that didn’t mean I was ready to be a mom.
“It’s time,” June said when the timer on my phone beeped, and I took a deep breath. I walked to the bathroom where I’d left the test, and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before I looked at the testing screen.
My heart dropped and I felt sick to my stomach.
“And?” June asked from the bedroom.
With trembling hands, I threw the test in the trash, hardly knowing what I was doing. I walked into the room, feeling like I was going to faint.
They could see it all over my face. I didn’t have to tell them.
“Oh, honey,” Bernie said.
When I collapsed on the bed, they moved to either side of me and took my hands. Tears started rolling down my cheeks.
“I can’t do this,” I said. “I can’t have a baby. Not now. I’m not ready.”
“You have some time to prepare,” June said. “And we’re here. We’ll figure this out, okay?”
I nodded, still crying. How was I going to raise a child? I still had another year of school left. What was I going to do? I couldn’t raise a child as a student artist.
And what about the father? Where in the world was Nolan now? He wasn’t going to be able to help me with this. I had no idea where to find him.
“This is going to be so hard,” I cried.
“I know,” June said.
“But we’re here,” Bernie added. “And you can do it. You have it in your blood. You’re not the first person to raise a baby alone.”
They were right about that. My mom had raised me on her own. I wasn’t sure if it was the same situation-she never wanted to talk about my dad. But she’d done it, and my life had been pretty good. She’d struggled, but she’d given me everything I truly needed.
And she’d done it alone.
Would she be disappointed that I was going to walk this road? I hoped not. I hoped that she would understand.
I’d never meant for any of this to happen. All I’d wanted was to spend a night with someone that would help me forget about my stupid ex-boyfriend, that would help me feel worth it. What had I done to deserve this?
Sure, it was stupid to not insist he use a condom. But this seemed like such a high price to pay for that mistake.
And now, this was what I got for it.
“Don’t do that,” June said.
“Do what?” I asked, wiping my cheeks with my sleeves.
“Don’t blame yourself and think about how shitty your luck is.”
My friends knew me too well.
“It’s going to take some getting used to,” Bernie said. “But you’re going to be just fine.”