Filed to story: The Healer and The Wolf PDF Free
“Hello?” I asked the young man. He was around my age, with light blond hair and green eyes, a touch taller and fairly fit. Probably a runner if I had to take a guess. Maybe from the local college.
“Hey, I hope you don’t mind me approaching you while you’re busy, but I was hoping to get your number?”
I blinked at him. Then blinked again, and then a little more for good measure. All sorts of emotions were going through me. From alarm to shock, and a whole lot of suspicion. I was not the type of girl men randomly approached. Ever.
In fact, the only time I’d been asked out in such a way had been in high school, when the douchey boys thought it would be hilarious to prank me by?-
A snicker at the end of the aisle drew my attention, and I looked past the guy to see Tiffany duck behind a shelf.
Oh. It was a setup.
It really was high school all over again. Like I needed any of that.
“I know you probably think you’re really hilarious right now, but you’re not, and you can tell Tiffany that,” I said tersely. “Actually, wait. I can do that myself.”
Without missing a beat, I marched over to where Tiffany was still ducked behind the end cap like a kid playing hide and seek. How immature could she get? We were all adults. At least I thought we were.
“Your prank sucks,” I said matter-of-factly. Tiffany’s eyebrows went up like she was about to argue, but I wasn’t in the mood. “Save it. And why don’t you get some work done instead of goofing off so much. I’m tired of picking up your slack.”
It was the most direct I’d ever been with her, but honestly, it was a long it coming, and it felt damn good. Perhaps my manager was right. Maybe I did need to stop being such a doormat.
With those two dealt with, I returned to work. For the rest of my shift, I pretended Tiffany didn’t exist, but on the inside, I was reminded of the fact that someone being attracted to me, someone liking me, would always be a joke.
I hated that I was constantly leaving work in a foul mood, so I wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows on my bike ride home. I tried not to dwell, I really did, because there was so much worse going on in the world. But still, as I locked my bike up outside of my house, my heart was still heavy.
“Mudpie, Goober, Fork, I’m home!” I called, just like I did every time I returned to work, but even that was weighed down in the mire building in my chest.
Tiffany was a shitty person, and I shouldn’t let her get to me, but ever since my mother died, it was like I’d been a pariah to all those around me. Like they could sense something about me wasn’t right. It wasn’t like I didn’t deserve it. If I hadn’t been so selfish, if I hadn’t been such a fucking coward, an idiot, then maybe my mother would still be alive. And if she was alive, we would have grown up together. A happy family, just the two of us. Then my aunt never would have hated me. So much would be different.
Unfortunately, there were no do-overs in life, so even if I wished there were, even if I wished there was something about me that was redeemable enough to have someone love me, it wasn’t going to happen.
I would always be alone, and that was that.
It was what I deserved.
At least I had my animals. I fed them like usual, and if I gave them a bit extra, oh well. They deserved something nice. Once they were taken care of, I gathered up the food I brought home from work with the last of the money I could spare before my next paycheck and took it out to the wolf.
Strangely, what I dreaded not too many days ago I now very much looked forward to. Some of the pain in my chest tapered when I saw him sitting just outside the greenhouse, clearly waiting for me.
Was I anthropomorphizing him too much? Maybe, but I didn’t care. He was a companion, and one I was grateful for, even if it didn’t make any sense and was dangerous to have him around. Perhaps I did have a suicidal streak in me. It wasn’t like anyone would miss me.
Well, my cats would.
Granted, that was a big reason why I’d gotten them. I loved them to pieces and the thought of abandoning them was enough to keep me going even at my lowest. I hadn’t been at that point in a long while, but I could feel myself starting to slide back.
“Hey there,” I said, like he could understand because it always felt like he could. “Hope you’re hungry.”
He gave a light bark that let me know he was always hungry, and I dumped the food in front of him. Two more cabbages, a cantaloupe, some blueberries, all the discounted meat I could afford, and some thick beef bones the butcher was going to toss because the new trainee had nicked them, so they weren’t pretty enough to sell.
The wolf didn’t care that they were ugly, and neither did I, so I was more than grateful for them. He was, too, I guessed, considering he was already happily gnawing on one.
He could just as easily do that to my bones, but I didn’t particularly care. I sat down on the greenhouse steps, and before I knew it, I was talking to him like he was a real friend.
Jeez, how lonely was I?
“I don’t understand why some people seem to make it a goal to make the people around them so miserable,” I said, looking up. The sun was almost setting, painting the sky in a beautiful tapestry of rich pinks, purples, and resplendent golds. We lived in such a stunning world. Why would people rather cause others pain instead of looking up at the sky and enjoying it?
“Sometimes it feels like something’s wrong in my brain that makes me not understand a huge chunk of the human experience.”
The wolf paused his chewing to let out a rumble. It seemed… placating in a way. Maybe that was also in my head.
I knew I should probably let him eat in peace, so I stared up at the sky and got lost in my thoughts. Not happy thoughts, but ones I was used to. After being on the earth for twenty-six years, I’d gotten used to the darkness that sometimes lingered at the edges of my thoughts.
But I supposed I was a bit too lost, because I didn’t notice the massive apex predator moving to come sit next to me and rest his huge frame against me.
He was a heavy lad, even without him putting his full weight on me, and I instinctively froze, afraid for my life. But either my survival instincts were totally fucked, or I was a lost cause, because after a minute or two I relaxed. And by relaxed, I meant I actually leaned my head against a giant wolf and let out a long sigh.
I underestimated just how nice the contact would feel. It wasn’t quite a hug from someone I loved, but I didn’t really have any humans left in my life that I loved. My mother was dead and my best friend had moved to Europe. We still tried to keep in touch digitally, but considering she was getting her master’s degree and planning a wedding, our conversations were few and far between. I was happy for her but, boy, did I miss her intensely.
The comfort from his presence was like a balm on my soul, and after a while I was moved to sing. It was an older song-one my mother had taught me. A haunting song about the world shrinking and slowly becoming less and less green. Not exactly a happy one, but sometimes music was just as good for venting sorrow as it was for experiencing joy.
I hadn’t expected it, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased when the wolf joined in with me. So, the first time hadn’t been my imagination. His howls and keens were the gentlest sounds I’d ever heard, like he was really trying to match me.
I’d learned long ago that there was no such thing as magic in the world, but as I sang with a live, actual wolf, I couldn’t help but feel that there was at least some enchantment in the moment. It truly felt like I was connected to him-genuinely connected in a way I shouldn’t be.
I didn’t want it to end, but after an hour or so of getting absolutely no work done and needing food myself, I finally let the song taper off.
“Goodnight, Wolfie,” I murmured, peeling myself away from the softness of his fur. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”