Filed to story: Can’t Get Enough Of You
Maybe that was true. Maybe that did make me an asshole. But I never led them on, I never let them believe they were going to get anything else from me. Certainly never a commitment.
And when it was over, I was very clear with them that my mind hadn’t changed.
If they couldn’t deal with that, then it wasn’t my problem. I wasn’t the relationship type and I wasn’t about to change who I was.
I just didn’t build connections with people. Not really. And there were very few people I connected with in general, even out of the people I knew well. Austin was one of the few people who I would open up to.
The women… no thank you.
But of course, there had been her.
Carey.
God, that had been more than five years ago, before I’d left for business school. And the night had been just like all the others-find a pretty girl, take her home for the night, have a good fuck, and she was gone by morning.
Except, it hadn’t been like the others at all. I’d had a connection with her in a way I’d never had with anyone. It had been perfect in so many ways.
But she was the one woman whose number wasn’t in my phone. The one person I would have liked to call to ask her to join me at the party.
What the hell was I thinking? She was just another woman I’d fucked. And the more I’d thought about that night without finding her, the more fictional the whole thing had become. I’d probably turned her into the perfect woman in my mind, and the only reason she stayed that way was because I couldn’t find her. We hadn’t spent enough time together for her to prove me wrong about her.
That was how it usually worked. Women were all the same, weren’t they?
They all ended up wanting something from me. Whether it was a piece of my business, some of my money, or to wriggle into a part of me that I kept shut to everyone, only so that they could use it to manipulate me.
It was probably better that I didn’t see Carey again, because as long as I didn’t, she remained perfect.
I finally forced myself to text Mia, the best of the women I’d been with if I had to compare notes. She was a blonde bombshell but she had an okay head on her shoulders-she was smarter than she liked to admit-and she was easy enough to turn down if I had to. Some of them put up so much of a fight when I wanted to send them home, and I wasn’t ready for the drama.
Beth got back to me with times and arrangements just after I arrived at the hotel.
I had two hours to catch up on sleep, and then it was time to get going again.
After my nap, I dressed in a tuxedo. Austin and I left the hotel together, riding in the black car that we were being chauffeured around in while we were in LA. The car stopped in front of the Glasshouse, and we climbed out.
The restaurant was almost entirely made up of glass windows that looked out over spectacular sea views on the one end and toward downtown LA on the other. Music thumped over invisible speakers and men and women wearing evening attire moved around to the beat of the music or toward each other, feeding off the excitement in the air.
“This is it,” Austin said, clapping me on the back. “Let’s get in there and celebrate!”
I smiled and nodded, following my friend into the building.
It was good to be around so many people I knew, so many people who were happy for us and willing to share in our victory.
Mia arrived at one point, found me, and hung on my arm for the rest of the night. She was gracious and sweet and she made it seem like it hadn’t been a bad idea to invite her out.
We drank. We partied. We ate good food.
We celebrated a lot of hard work paying off, and a company whose future looked brighter every moment.
There was still a long road to walk, but things were definitely turning out right. I was the luckiest man on Earth, and even though I was far from being the wealthiest, if things continued the way they were now, I was going to get there someday.
I should have been happy. Ecstatic, even. Everything was working out. There was no reason to be down in the dumps about anything.
And yet, something was missing. Something felt wrong. It was great that the business was doing so well, but I’d thought after so much work and such a big payoff, I would have felt more fulfilled. Instead, I felt like I was looking at the crowd as if I wasn’t a part of it. I looked at the partygoers, I heard their laughter, and I felt removed.
When I saw Austin, I knew that I should have looked the same-happy, successful, proud.
I just didn’t feel that way.
I wanted to share something like this with someone who really mattered. It was great that Austin wanted to shout it from the rooftops, and wanted to host the party, but I wanted to be able to call someone very close to me and say, “Hey, I made it.”
My mom had been gone for years. All of this was for her, and there wasn’t a day I didn’t wish she could have seen it.
But I wanted something else, too. Someone else. I wanted to be able to go home to someone at the end of the day and fall wearily into their arms. I wanted to be able to share the good news with someone who would understand what it all meant.
No one here understood what it had taken for me to get here. Not even Austin, not completely.
My mind jumped to Carey again. Izzy. Would she have understood? Would she have known what it was like for me to achieve this?
There was no point in wondering, because she was the one who’d gotten away.
Austin came to find me.
“Come on, man, you’re not partying hard enough.” He grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing tray and pressed it into my hand. “You have so much to celebrate, look alive!”
He was right, I did have a lot to celebrate. So, I plastered a smile on my face and tried to enjoy the party.
Carey
I drove back from the restaurant, pushing my car far over the speed limit. I didn’t have the cash to cover a fine if I got one, but I was late to pick Liam up from my mom’s house.
My shift at the restaurant had gone on longer than it should have-a couple celebrating their first wedding anniversary had stayed forever, and I hadn’t been able to leave until they did.
Silently, I cursed people who had no compassion for those of us in the service industry. They could have taken it home, and stared into each other’s eyes there.
I was in a bad mood, I was tired, and my day wasn’t over yet.