Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
“Can we see him?”
“Only for a minute, and one visitor at a time. He’s pretty much out of it right now.” If I hadn’t had the doctor’s assurances, the sight of my grandfather would have driven me to panic. The Judge was the strongest man I’d ever known, but now he barely made a wrinkle under the sheet, and tubes and wires were everywhere. Half a dozen machines surrounded him with beeps and gurgles and hisses, and the smell of antiseptic stung my nose.
Trying not to disturb anything, I touched his cheek, needing desperately to feel his warm skin under my fingers. The left side of his face was still distorted, drawn, but his right eye partially opened, focused on me, and the bewilderment reflected there broke my heart.
“You had a stroke,” I told him, praying he’d understand. “You’re in the hospital, but the doctor says you’re going to be fine. Karl and Cody are here, and the rest of the family is on the way.”
When his eye drifted shut again, I stayed another minute, telling myself he had heard me, that I really had seen the confusion leave his gaze.
Jenna was waiting in the hall as Cody slipped by me into the Judge’s cubicle. “He’s going to be fine,” she whispered, hugging me. “You know he’s too stubborn to die.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” I wiped my eyes yet again, feeling a bit like a faucet that had sprung a leak. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. My emotions were too near the surface.
“Hey, you’d do the same for me.” She dug in her purse and handed me a tissue.
“Now, why don’t we go to the waiting room and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”
“Okay.” I blew my nose, then followed her, Karl walking next to me. When Cody joined us a few minutes later, he was quiet and shaken, his complexion two shades paler than normal.
“Christ,” he said, rubbing his hands over his face. “You know it’s bad, but it doesn’t really hit you until you see him.”
Perversely, seeing Cody so upset made me take a step back and pull myself together. Crying wasn’t going to help the Judge, and my family needed me to be strong.
Handing him the coffee Jenna had given me, I rubbed his back in a soothing motion.
“The medication will work, Cody. It has to.”
“God, I hope you’re right. I don’t know how he’ll be able to stand it if it doesn’t.” We were talking in low tones, Karl watching us from across the room, when Jenna suddenly stiffened. “What the hell is she doing here?” I glanced toward the door and every muscle in my body tensed. Lindsey hovered in the entrance, her gaze going from me to Karl and back again.
She had changed. In spite of the baggy clothes that looked as though they came straight from a thrift store, she was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.
Unlike most people whose hair darkens as they reach adulthood, hers was still the same white-blonde it had been when we were children. She wore it up, twisted into a loose swirl from which strands escaped to frame her huge blue eyes, eyes that gave the impression of some indefinable sadness and vulnerability. Anger filled me, held me in an icy grip impossible to break.
I stood slowly, aware that Karl was frowning, moving to intercept her. But she was closer than he was, and she reached me first, a tentative smile on her lips.
“Natalie. I heard about your grandfather. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Her voice was soft and hesitant, and I realized it was the first time I’d ever heard her speak. At the same time, I also realized Cody was staring at her with the dazed expression of a man who’d been hit in the head with a two-by-four. It scared me, fueled not only my anger but all my protective instincts. She already had her claws in Karl, I’d be damned if I let her do the same to my cousin.
“Yes, there is something you can do.” My tonewasascoldasthebloodrunning through my veins. “Get out of my sight.”
“Natalie, please. I know this isn’t the place, but sometime soon, we need to talk.” Her expression was pleading with me, but I didn’t care.
I turned on Karl furiously. “Get her away from me. Now. Maybe I couldn’t stop you from coming back, and maybe I can’t stop you from building a house where you are, but there’s one thing I can do. If either of you ever come near me again, I’ll press harassment charges. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you thrown in jail. And that, Karl, is my promise to both of you.”
Some of the greatest philosophers through the ages have said that through adversity springs courage and strength, but sometimes all it brings is more pain. I think that scene with Lindsey was when I first suspected just how badly Karl had damaged my armor. The sight of him and Lindsey, together in the same room, was almost more than I could bear. Now I know it was a deep hurt, a soul-searing pain that made me react the way I did, but at the time, I meant every single word.
Karl must have known that as well while his gaze held mine. His eyes reflected a multitude of emotions-sorrow, pain, regret, anger-and a quietly determined stubbornness. Without a word, he took Lindsey’s arm and pulled her from the room, but I knew I hadn’t seen the last of him. He would call my bluff.
“Are you out of your mind?” Cody was glaring at me. “How could you say something like that to Karl after he saved the Judge’s life? Not to mention treating that woman so badly when she was only trying to be kind.” Jenna bristled, her glare heated as she put herself between Cody and me. “Until you know the whole story, stuff a sock in it, Cody. Natalie has every right to treat them the way she did. And she showed a hell of a lot more restraint than I would have. If I’d been in her shoes, that hussy would have left here bald.” With a gesture of disgust, Cody left the room, and I could just picture him catching up with Karl and Lindsey, apologizing for my behavior. And making sure he was introduced to Lindsey while he was at it.
Wearily, I sank onto the couch and Jenna sat down next to me. “Hey, I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but everything will work out.”
“Will it?” I scrubbed at my forehead. “Christ, Jenna. It feels like I’m falling apart one piece at a time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”
“I do.” She took my hand. “You’re ending a fifteen-year marriage, your mother barely speaks to you, your grandfather had a stroke, and you’ve never stopped loving Karl.”
I yanked my hand from hers, the fingers automatically curling into a fist. “I do not love Karl. I hate him.”
“No, you only think you do. Natalie, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
And you couldn’t be indifferent to him if your life depended on it.”
“Damn it, Jenna. Stop analyzing me.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. But sooner or later you’ll have to face the truth.”
My chin went up stubbornly. “No, I won’t.”