Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
“Of course I do. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had.” He nodded. “Then say yes. We can make this work.” Maybe I was in shock, or maybe I was simply a coward, but what he was offering was more than I was capable of refusing right then. Respectability for myself and my child, a loving, safe home to raise it in, and someone who honestly cared about me. If I’d had a week or two to think about it, my answer might have been different, but I didn’t have that long. Hugh was waiting and I couldn’t hurt him again.
“Yes,” I whispered, trembling as he slid the diamond on my finger.
The justice of the peace never batted an eye when we showed up on his doorstep.
He merely complied with Hugh’s request, accepted an undisclosed amount of money, and told us to bring him copies of our birth certificates next week. All the forms were filled out and the ceremony performed in his den with his wife and housekeeper as witnesses. According to our marriage license, we had been married since February second.
Back in the car, I turned to my new husband. “Now what?”
“Now, we go pick up something to eat, and then I’ve got a surprise for you.” He went to the drive-through window of a fast food joint and ordered burgers and fries for both of us, a soda for him and milk for me. When the food arrived, he put the car in gear, and headed back toward Morganville. Just outside of town, he turned right 93 and I stared at him in surprise. The road he’d turned onto led to Fair Oaks, the new subdivision.
“Hugh, what are you doing?”
“You’ll see.” He steered the car into a long, sweeping driveway that ended at a darkened house. One of the newest, I realized. It was long and sprawling, with curving flower beds along the front, empty now, but waiting for someone to fill them.
“What do you think?” He waved a hand at the house.
“I think it’s beautiful, but won’t we get in trouble for being here?”
“No, it’s ours. We closed on it last week. All you and I have to do is buy some furniture and move in.” He opened the car door and gathered up the food. “Come on, Mrs. Morgan. Let’s go look at our new home and do some talking.” And that’s what we did. Hugh took me on a tour of the house that lasted half an hour. It was undoubtedly a dream home, even if it wasn’t exactly what I would have chosen for myself. Wide open spaces graced with huge floor-to-ceiling windows made the rooms flow into each other. The kitchen was an ultramodern fantasy come true, and there was even a swimming pool and hot tub on the patio behind the house.
After the tour was completed we sat on the floor in the dining room, facing each other as we ate and talked. I can’t say I was happy, but being honest with Hugh had brought such relief that combined with my knowledge of the baby, I was almost euphoric. After all the past months of pretending, I could finally be myself with him again. Together, we got our stories straight and decided we’d tell our parents Monday night after the graduation ceremony. Our marriage was going to cause enough chaos.
The news about the baby would have to wait another month.
It felt good to laugh with Hugh like we’d done when we were children, and it gradually began to dawn on me that if it hadn’t been for Karl, I would probably have fallen in love with Hugh, would have married him happily. Was it possible fate was righting itself? I didn’t know. I only knew that I intended to work as hard as I could to make Hugh happy. He deserved no less.
It never occurred to me that night that Hugh and I would have to share a bed, and if it occurred to him, he didn’t mention it. We talked until the sun began to peek over the horizon, and then he took me home, walking me to the door and kissing me goodnight just like he’d always done.
“I’m sorry, Karl,” I whispered, slipping his pendant from my neck. “I didn’t know what else to do.”
Resentment is a funny thing. It can sneak up on you for some of the craziest reasons. I suppose its human nature, our way of protecting ourselves emotionally. I’d read enough to know that one of the symptoms of grief was a deep anger at the loved one who’d died, anger that impaired your judgment, made you want to scream and curse because they’d left you. But Karl hadn’t died, and I didn’t realize that I was suffering the symptoms of grief.
Over the weekend it gradually soaked in that I’d married Hugh, that even if Karl showed up at that very second, it would be too late. And as I began to think about that day at the police station, I started to believe a lie. Maybe I had to believe it in order to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other as Aunt Jane had said I must.
Because there was no real reason for Karl and me to be apart. He knew, and I knew, that I would have followed him happily to the ends of the earth and back. But he hadn’t wanted me. The more I thought about it, the deeper my sense of resentment became. It turned into a slow, simmering anger that colored everything I did.
Graduation day dawned bright and sunny, the sky a deep cerulean blue with fluffy cotton-ball clouds decorating the heavens. The temperatures were already hitting the nineties during the day. I’d spent most of Saturday sleeping after the all-nighter Hugh and I had pulled. Sunday, Hugh spent the day with us, and we practiced our graduation speeches on each other. When I asked him where he’d been the day before, he smiled mysteriously and told me, “Making plans for Monday night.” I slipped him my birth certificate so he could take it to the justice of the peace the next day. He gave it back to me Monday when he arrived, and I returned it to Mama’s drawer with no one the wiser.
The ceremony that night went off without a hitch, my family and Hugh’s applauding wildly after our speeches, and again when we were called to receive our diplomas. Afterward, we spent a tearful thirty minutes saying goodbye to our classmates who were leaving, promising to stay in touch. And once again, a sense of unreality descended on me. I’d always envisioned this day with Karl sitting beside my family on the bleachers, smiling down at me proudly. But he’d made it clear he didn’t want me, and I convinced myself he wouldn’t want the baby either.
It’s okay , I promised silently, one hand on my stomach.
I want you. We’ll always have each other.
Ian and Helena invited my whole family out to eat at the country club after the ceremony, and I managed to talk Jenna into coming along. I knew her father well enough to understand his idea of a celebration was to park himself in front of the TV for 95 the evening with lots of beer on hand. Besides, I wanted her with me when Hugh and I broke the news.
We were a noisy bunch that evening as we found our places around the linen covered table. Several different conversations were going on at once, everyone laughing and talking. Hugh had asked me to put my rings on during the drive over, and my stomach was in a knot waiting for someone to notice them. So far, it hadn’t happened, and I tried to keep them hidden under the edge of the table.
My father inadvertently brought on the announcement. He had positioned himself beside my mother, directly across the table from Hugh and me, and the way it happened, I would have sworn he and Hugh arranged it beforehand.
“So, Hugh. Are you going to start work right away, or take a few days off first?” Daddy was surveying the menu when he asked the question.
Hugh casually draped his arm across my shoulders. “I’m going to be taking a few weeks off.”
From the end of the table, Ian’s head came up. “I thought you were going to start tomorrow?”
“No, there are a few more important things I have to take care of first.” Both Ian and Helena frowned, and Ian carefully put his menu down on the table.
“What could be more important than the business?” Hugh glanced at me and smiled. “A honeymoon. We’re leaving later tonight.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out an airline folder. Stunned, I took it and glanced at the destination. Hawaii. “I promised Natalie we’d go as soon as school was over.”
You could have heard a pin drop from fifty feet away, it got so quiet.
“A honeymoon?” my mother said weakly, one hand covering her heart as she stared at my rings. “You’re already married?”
My stomach knotted at her expression, and regret filled me. I knew how much she’d wanted me to have the big wedding she had never had. “I’m sorry, Mama. We wanted to tell you, but you were so busy planning everything we didn’t have the heart.”
“But when?” Helena stammered.