Filed to story: Love on the Sidelines (Natalie & Karl)
I shuddered and she laughed. “That bad?”
“Worse. I wasn’t that sick when I had my tonsils taken out. I’ll never touch liquor again.”
Several boys arrived then, Hugh Morgan among them, and we dropped the subject.
Hugh didn’t pull my hair anymore, or egg me on to feats both reckless and dangerous.
Now he only teased me unmercifully and dogged my steps like a lost puppy. But I wasn’t interested in Hugh or any of the other boys, and I didn’t feel like flirting. I pasted on a smile and edged around until I could watch Karl without being too obvious about it. When it was time to go back in, I made sure I walked right by him.
Neither of us said a word, but our hands skimmed, clung for a moment, and then let go.
For now, it was enough.
A few days later I finally got to ask him about Lindsey and the new baby. We were in his room, me in the easy chair, and Karl on the bed.
“Did you know Lindsey was going to quit school?” I asked.
“I didn’t know for sure until the day before we started back, but I figured she would.”
“Because of her mom’s new baby?”
He shrugged. “Partly. But mostly because she hated school. Being around people always scares her.”
I got up and went to the bed. Karl scooted over to make room for me, and I sat down and put my hand on his arm. “People are saying the new baby might be your father’s.”
An inscrutable expression filled his eyes. “He’s not.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Take my word for it, he’s not.”
Not long after that talk, I ran into Liz at the drugstore. She was holding the baby in front of her like a sack of potatoes, so I got a good look at him. His hair was a mass of 52 fiery red corkscrew curls, and he had huge blue eyes. In short, he looked enough like Jenna to be her twin. Karl knew the first time I saw that little boy I’d realize the truth.
And it didn’t take the rest of the town long to figure it out, either.
Jenna became pale and withdrawn, and cried on my shoulder a lot. I gave her what comfort I could, which wasn’t much. For a while she nearly lived at my house, and Aunt Jane finally had a long talk with her. Things started to get better after that, but Jenna could never look at a Swanner again without flinching.
My fourteenth birthday came and went, and then my fifteenth. Casey and Cody graduated and left for the university in Little Rock. Karl and I continued to tiptoe around each other, both of us longing for more, but neither willing to risk what we had by pushing it too hard. Until the year I turned seventeen and my life took a direct hit from the hands of fate. If I’d thought Uncle Vern coming home was a shock, it was nothing compared to the turmoil my father brought with him.
On my sixteenth birthday, the Judge put me behind the wheel of the Chevy and took me to the police station for my driver’s test, just like he’d done with Karl. When I passed with flying colors, he handed over the Chevy’s keys and the title as my present from him. I was ecstatic.
“At least I know you’ll survive if you have a wreck in this one,” he told me. The Judge put no faith in the fiberglass bodies on new cars, said they offered about as much protection as an eggshell.
Karl had graduated from high school that spring and now worked full-time as a mechanic at Paul Hawkins’ garage. On the evening of my birthday, he took me out to his room and gave me my present. It was one of those necklaces that look like half of a broken heart. His name was on the back, and while I was trying not to cry, he pulled the other half out from under his shirt and showed me where my name was etched. I couldn’t help myself. I kissed him. And I knew right away that I might have bitten off more than I could chew.
It was the first time we’d really kissed since that day in the cellar, but Karl had been a boy then. Now he was, at least physically, a man. And he was hungry. There was no hesitation when he returned the kiss, and it washed every other thought out of my head. I felt like I was being devoured. Heat like I’d never known slammed into me and I wanted to melt into him and never come out again.
But while Karl’s body tensed and his hands moved over me restlessly, a tiny fear grew in my mind. I wanted him, but I knew it was going to hurt the first time. And that fear was all tied up with the small town morality I’d grown up with. Good girls didn’t, not until they had a ring on their finger. Bad girls did, and they always paid for their mistakes.
“Karl…”
His hands went still on my back and he lifted his head to look at me. A shudder ran over him and he closed his eyes, dropping his forehead to mine. “I know.” His voice was husky. “Just give me a second.” His arms tightened around me and I rested my head on his chest.
“I love you.”
I could hear the wry smile in his words when he answered. “Now is not the best time in the world to tell me that.”
“I know.”
We were silent for a few minutes as he got himself under control.
“Karl? Have you ever…”
“No.” He lifted his head again, studied me. “I’ve thought about it, but it never seemed right.”
The idea of him making love to anyone else sent a shaft of pain straight through my middle. “You better wait on me, damn it.”
“I don’t think I have much choice.” He brushed my hair back. “You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Natalie, the only one I’ll ever want. That’s a promise.” He smiled. “But I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.” I nodded. “Maybe we could…practice sometimes?” Okay, so I liked the way he’d made me feel and wanted more of it.