Filed to story: A Girl Nobody Wanted Book by SansaR
No matter how many times I won awards or any other recognitions with my education, they even don’t congratulate me. None of my parents attended even a single one of my prizegiving, where I got so many recognitions for my achievements from my school. They turned a blind eye to my report card filled with A’s but they were amazed seeing Shane got at least a “C” for one subject.
I have to do a few part-time jobs to support my studies since I was just 13 years old. And also no matter how many part-time jobs I have to do, I have to do all the household work as well. Cooking, cleaning, washing, and everything. None of them wash even their underwear or the plates they used.
My mom and dad always say that I should be grateful that they let me stay in the house and feed me, so I must do all the work to show my gratitude.
They don’t give me a proper room to stay, I stay in the storeroom. I have made a small space for me there. I don’t have much in my possession, so I don’t want a big space. The storeroom doesn’t have proper heating or cooling. So in summer, I have to stay sweating and in winter I always get frozen up.
I can’t remember the last time they bought me something to wear. I always buy something for me from used clothes sales. Since I don’t have much to spend on clothing I always wear some t-shirts, baggy sweaters, and jeans. I have only one pair of shoes to wear wherever I go. In case I have to go to some kind of interview or something special I used to borrow a pair of shoes from my mom for the day. Of course, I got beaten until I couldn’t walk anymore at night as a consequence. But I had no choice. I never wear make-up. Not because I hate them, but since I couldn’t afford them.
So everyone sees me as a girl with messy hair, an ungroomed face, and who wears oversize clothes, old shoes. They see me as someone who doesn’t have even a basic sense of fashion, a total nerd.
My family members don’t think twice to beat me whenever they feel it requires. They call them punishments. But I don’t have to do something wrong to get punished. If they have a bad day at work or school they will punish to make their mood. If they have a good reason to be happy then they punish me to make them happier.
Shane actually has gone beyond that and he started bulling me outside as well. At school, he was my main bully. Everyone at school loves him and they knew Shane hates me more than anything. So they find bullying is the best way to make a good impression with him.
Things didn’t change at university as well. He continued bullying me as he pleases and people joined him for two reasons here. One reason is the same as earlier, they want to make a good impression on Shane. The second reason is they couldn’t stand a scholarship student like me, who looks so poor and unattractive getting endorsed by all the lecturers.
I normally wake up around 4 in the morning, to finish any assignments or any study-related things. After all the work in the day, I go to sleep around 12 every day, with a tired, aching body and crying heart.
I don’t care they make me work or treat unfairly. but the way they scold at me, the way they humiliate me, the way they treat me like a slave breaks my heart each and every day.
You may be wondering why I don’t run away from all these sh*ts and start a new life. Well, I do not dare to do so, at least this way I am staying with people I know my entire life.
No matter how hard and depressing my life is, there are two things that make me get up every day and get going. One thing you already know, it is studying. I want to become an engineer. find a good job, because that is the only way I can get out of this hell. The second thing is… well the second thing is a guy… Jake… Jacob McMiller… The most handsome guy I have ever seen in my life. He is the captain of the football team and also a top student.
Everyone including lecturers loves him. But the difference between him and Shane is he doesn’t love them back, while Shane being a total playboy. Jake always keeps to himself. He doesn’t have many friends. He is the secret crush of many girls, even the girls who date Shane have crushes for him. Since they can’t go for the best I think they stop where they can reach and date the next best option.
You may think of me as a typical campus girl drooling over everyone’s prince charming. But the reason I am being so obsessed with him has nothing to do with his looks or his talents.
We are in the same batch and studying the same subjects, but we haven’t talked with each other even once. I doubt he even knows a girl call Sarah Anderson is exists in the world. But looking at him every day, I feel a strong connection to him. I feel under his arrogant, ruthless self, there is a soft, gentle, and lonely soul. I don’t know the exact reason to feel so… But I always feel he is so much related to me, even though he seems to be leagues ahead of me in every aspect.
The best thing is he never bully me. I am used to getting bullied by everyone so when there is an exception, I attract to him naturally, but that’s just one reason.
I always go to watch every football match, not because I am a die-hard football fan. But I love to watch him play. There I can stare at him as much as I wanted without being creepy.
So that is what basically about me… just nobody… My life every day is the same boring and heartbreaking nightmare, until one day… That day something just happened… you may think it as a mere gesture of kindness, but for me, it became my hope… my encouragement… and eventually my life…
That morning I had a severe headache. So I stayed home. I anyway didn’t have any lectures, since two of the lectures got canceled. I wanted to go to the cafe where I do part-time, but my headache kept me tied to the bed the whole morning and afternoon. After getting a good sleep I woke up around 3 pm. Today there is a football match on the campus. One of the other university teams is coming to ours for a friendly match. As I said earlier I never miss even a single football match, the only chance to see my Jake as So I took a wash, dressed my usual clothes, and prepared to go to university.
much as I desired.
I came down from my room, ready to go to university. I was shocked to find mom was weeping on the couch in the living room. Dad was holding her hand and trying to calm her down.
I didn’t know they were at home. Normally at this time, they both should be at work.
“Mom what happened,” I asked panickily. My mom is not someone who easily cry. So I was really scared that something really bad has happened.
She stopped sobbing for a moment and stared at me. Then she got up from the couch ignoring dad who tried to make her sit again.
“You bloody bi*** you destroyed my life” she started to hit me out of nowhere.
“mom… please…what I have done…I am sorry” I apologized for something that I don’t even know while trying to escape from her.
But she grabbed my neck and she was suffocating me.
“What you have done… You born… that is what you have done…I should have killed you right in my womb ” she was screaming.
I felt like my heart stopped for a second. I couldn’t breathe, not just because she was choking me. But since my heart was throbbing out from what I have just heard.
“Lisa let her go… you are going to kill her” dad tried to get mom’s hands-off from my throat.
“I want to kill her… I should have done this way earlier… I was afraid it would harm my Shane, or else I would have already killed this bit***” she was not ready to let me go, she was screaming and choking me more and more. I was coughing like hell. I wiggled as much as I could, it was so painful, I couldn’t bear that.
However, dad could get her off me. I fell down to the floor lifelessly. It was so difficult to breathe. I was still coughing and trying to process everything.
“We could have put her in an orphanage right after she born… you didn’t let me” my mom was still screaming while trying to escape from dad’s hands and strike me.
She was totally like a crazy beast. She was screaming and cursing me.
I wanted to get up and run away without hearing her words. But I couldn’t, my legs felt like jelly. I tried my best to get upholding to the table next to me but each time I again fell back to the floor.
So I couldn’t stop hearing all the unbearable, unexpected words from my mother, the person who gave birth to me.
Finally, I could stand up on my feet, she was still yelling at me. I hugged my backpack tightly and ran away from home without even looking back at them. But by then I have heard enough… enough for my entire life.
I don’t know how I came to university. I was walking towards the faculty and it was already 4.30 pm, the match starts now. But I have no mood to go for it.
I walked inside our faculty building and get on the elevator. I pressed the 10th floor on the highest floor.
There are some lecture rooms on that floor, but most of the floor area is utilized for storage. Nobody even uses the existing lecture halls on that floor. So whenever I want a hideout, that is where I go.
In my life it is quite often I need a hideout. So I have prepared a permanent place for me there.
Just after I reached there I burst into cries again. My ears were filled with my mom’s word.
How my mom could even think of killing me even before I was born. She was telling she wanted to kill me right after she got to know she is having twins.
How they decided it was me who should get killed, not Shane, even before we born, without even knowing our genders.
If they need only one kid, why couldn’t they pick me, why is it, Shane? Why mom? why you and dad selected him over me. What wrong have I done to you, even before I was born?
I knew they don’t love me. I knew they always chose Shane over me no matter what. But hearing that they wanted to kill me when I was in my mom’s womb and they had plans to put me in an orphanage… it killed the last tiny hope I had for my family. I was always left out… I have no one to be with me… but today at this very moment I feel a thousand times lonelier than I have ever been.
Can I really go to them again? How can I face them again knowing they wanted to kill me…
But do I have any other place to go? What am I going to do now?
I was sobbing and battling with my thoughts God knows how long. I might have fallen sleep in the middle. When I opened my eyes it was really dark and I couldn’t see a thing.
I open my phone to check the time, it was 9 pm already.