Filed to story: Swallow Me Whole (Sadie & Ashton) Book Free
17. Hello, Jealousy
Jules
Kaden is quiet on the drive to my apartment. Even if he did feel up to talking, I wouldn’t know what to say. What went down at his family’s place is something I wish I could forget. He takes my hand in his as we climb the stairs to my front door. I’m tempted to pull away, but I don’t. Maybe he needs the comfort of touch right now, just like I needed his brother’s on that airplane.
Thinking about Cash and our time up in the air is bittersweet. For those few hours, we existed in a bubble of our own making. I’d give anything to go back to that time. Memories of every touch, of every glance burn behind my eyes. Horrified at the thought of spilling tears, I blink until I’m sure my eyes won’t betray me.
“I’m so sorry about tonight,” Kaden says as we stop in front of my door.
I untangle our fingers and glance up at him. “It’s okay.”
He’s leaning toward me, one hand braced on the door next to my head, and I don’t like this caged-in feeling.
“It’s not okay. That was a disaster for a first date.”
“It was our only date,” I say, placing a hand on his chest. Inch by inch, he backs off.
“You’re not going to invite me in, are you?”
“No, I’m not.”
With a sigh, he puts even more space between us. “I don’t blame you. Not after tonight.”
“It’s not because of what happened. Truth is, I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with you.”
“Ouch.”
“I’m sorry, Kaden. That didn’t come out right. I think we could be friends.”
“I’m not used to being friend-zoned.” He lightens the mood with his easy-going smile. “It’s a humbling experience.”
“I didn’t mean to lead you on. I just came out of a relationship, and I’m not ready to start something new.”
Unless it’s with a man I can’t have. And that is the pathetic state of my love life.
“No, I get it. No need to explain.” Leaning forward, he presses his lips to my cheek. “Have a good night, Jules.”
He walks away, and I escape into my apartment with my heart thumping painfully in my chest. Standing with my back against the door, I let the tears spill down my cheeks, purging everything that’s built up over the last few weeks. Kaden’s goodbye was too similar to the way Cash and I parted ways at the airport.
The night I knew him only as my Sexy Stranger.
I miss the safety of not knowing who he is. My heart didn’t hurt so much, and I didn’t despise myself as much as I do now. Because loving Cash when he’s not free to return that love is hell.
The flow of despair eventually slows to a trickle, and I force myself away from the door. I can’t think past crawling into bed and sleeping, and hopefully waking without this crushing weight on my soul. But that seems impossible right now, so I take a quick shower, washing away the last of my tears, and only then do I climb between the sheets.
Not five minutes later, a ding sounds on my cell. I know before I pick it up that it’s a text from Cash.
Cash: Tell me you’re not dating my brother.
Those seven words are laced with bitter agony—I know it’s true because I’m still haunted by the accusing glint I saw in his eyes tonight. Not only accusing, but possessive and jealous and betrayed. That last one bothers me the most, because you can’t betray someone who isn’t yours.
And that makes me madder than fuck.
Me: What if I am? Would it really matter?
Cash: That’s a stupid question, Jules.
Me: Why is it stupid? It’s a simple question.
Cash: There’s not a damn thing in the world simple about it.
Me: That’s where you’re wrong. You being married makes it simple. Who I date shouldn’t matter to you.
Cash: But it does.
Me: Why?
Cash: You know why. Do you really need me to spell it out?
Me: I think it’s past time for spelling shit out. Maybe we both need a harsh dose of reality.
Cash: The reality is I want to kill any man who fucking touches you, especially if that man is my brother.
Me: How do you think I feel? Last time I checked, you’re still wearing your wedding band.
Cash: I might have a ring on my finger, but I’m the one alone. Are you with him now? Are you going to fuck him?
My heart is thrashing too hard. Too fast. I don’t know whether to be furious or ecstatic that he’s this upset over the idea of me with someone else.
Me: No, he dropped me off. And to set things straight, I’m not fucking your brother. How could I do that when all I’d see is you?
Cash: Fuck, Jules. Why are you doing this to me?
Me: I’m not doing anything to you. There’s nothing going on with Kaden. I agreed to one date as friends, and that was all.
Cash: Please don’t lie to me. The thing I love most about you is your honesty.
Me: I wouldn’t lie to you.
I’m hurt that he would even think that, but on another level, I understand, considering what his wife did to him, and what I did to Chris.
Cash: I’m sorry for acting like a Neanderthal tonight. I know I have no right to feel possessive, but I can’t help it, Jules. You drive me crazy.
Me: Then I guess we’re both crazy. I didn’t feel right going out with your brother, but he cornered me when I asked him a favor for a friend. Going to your family’s house for dinner was the last thing I expected.
Cash: I’m sorry you had to witness that circus.
Me: You should meet my family. They’d fit right in. It would be one huge circus act.
Cash: You have a way of making me laugh, no matter what we’re talking about. You turn everything on its head. I don’t know which way is up or down anymore.