Filed to story: Swallow Me Whole (Sadie & Ashton) Book Free
“How’d it go?” Mandy settles into the seat across the table from me.
“Good. I start next term.”
“I can’t believe we’ll be going to school together again. I’m so excited.”
“Me too.” Though I’ll be on my own after she graduates next summer. It’s a scary leap—starting all over again, exploring what I want to do with my life, discovering who I really am.
It’s also exciting. The roadmap of the future is wide open, free of pressure from my father. I can do and be anything I want, and I plan to dabble in all kinds of things until I find something that speaks to me.
The cafeteria on campus is a busy place no matter the time of day, but during the traditional lunch hour, it’s exceptionally boisterous. Mandy leans forward and raises her voice to be heard over the collective chatter.
“Bryce is throwing Ash and me a birthday party. You coming?”
I hate how the mention of his name causes an ache deep in my gut. It’s hard to believe I used to watch him with all sorts of women without breaking in two, and now I can’t even talk about him without feeling like I lost something.
We’re still friends, but it’s not the same.
“Your birthday is a month away,” I point out.
“I know, but I figure if I start badgering you about it now I might wear you down enough by the time the party actually arrives.”
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t avoid him forever.”
“I realize that, Mandy.”
Ever since he showed up the morning after his confrontation with Corinne and told me she wasn’t pregnant, I’ve existed in a state of limbo.
Wanting him.
Not wanting to risk my heart anymore than I already have.
It’s been 25 days.
600 hours.
36,000 minutes.
The seconds seem endless.
“I mean, technically, you could avoid him forever, but I don’t think you want to. And I know he doesn’t want you to.”
“He wants us to take the next step, but…”
“But what? You can’t blame it on Corinne this time.” Frowning, she works the top off a plastic fruit bowl. “He’s miserable, Sadie. So are you.”
“I want to be sure.”
Her voice softens. “What aren’t you sure about?”
“We jumped into a physical relationship without really considering the consequences…or maybe we did, but we ignored them.” I pause, counting the seconds on the huge clock hanging over the entrance to the building. “And it happened so fast. One minute we’re friends, and the next we’re…” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to make that mistake again.”
“Okay,” she says, spearing a bite of cantaloupe with a fork. “What are you worried about the most?”
Glancing down, I push rice and orange-glazed chicken around my plate. “He’s never done the relationship thing. It’s always been sex for him, so what if we take that leap, and he gets bored with me? You think our friendship is strained now?” My voice wobbles, and I jerk my head back and forth. “Mandy, you guys are my family.”
A reality that was driven home over two weeks ago during Thanksgiving. I considered going to my parents’ for dinner until I learned Dad invited Jake and his new fianc?. The slimeball didn’t waste time.
Mandy begged me to come with her and Ashton to their mother’s house, but I didn’t want to put a strain on their holiday, so I spent it alone in the apartment, decked out in PJ’s in front of the TV.
She sets down her fork. “We’re not going anywhere. And besides, it’s different with you. Ashton’s never been like this over a girl. You’d see it too if you stopped picking apart all the reasons why it might not work.”
“So in other words, you’re telling me to stop being a coward.”
“Yes,” she says with a smile. “You said it started out physical. What if you guys just dated for a while?”
“We’d end up in bed before the first date was over.”
She covers her ears. “Let’s not go there. This is my brother we’re talking about.”
“Hey, you asked.”
“I know I did.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, lost in thought. “So set some rules and stick to them. Give yourself some time to discover if there’s something real underneath the…hormones.”
“Hormones?” I ask with a laugh. Oh, the irony, as I recall saying something similar to Ash.
“Hey, it’s no secret Ashton is a manwhore,” she says with a cringe. “So if you date for a while, keeping things platonic the whole time, that should give you a good idea if it’ll work or not.”
We had rules before, and they worked…for a while. But even so, her idea has merit, though I’m positive Ashton won’t appreciate his sister cock-blocking him.
“So go on some friend dates, is what you’re saying.”
“In so many words, yes.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good.”
We finish lunch, Mandy heads to her next class, and I decide to hang around campus for a while, enjoying a rare bout of sunshine in chilly December. Pulling my coat snug around my body, I head down the walkway leading away from the center building. Students rush past, in a hurry to get to their next destination.
I’ve missed this, and though it won’t be easy keeping up with the class load on top of working, the rightness of being here warms my gut.
This feels like my life again.
Up ahead, people come and go from a building, its glass angles sleek and sharp, and voices pour through the doors. I venture inside and take in the cathedral ceiling and skylights. Students are gathered in clusters on the couches and chairs while some sort of motivational speech captures their attention.
Finding an empty seat off to the side, I settle in and listen to the guy’s deep voice implore students to take charge of their futures. He offers anecdotal stories of struggle and strife, and that’s when I zone out.
Because I’m thinking about Ashton again. Hell, I’m always thinking about him. Only now I’m considering everything Mandy said.