Filed to story: Swallow Me Whole (Sadie & Ashton) Book Free
We fill our plates with food, stealing glances at each other every few seconds. “Why haven’t you settled down with a girl yet?”
He pauses, fork halfway to his mouth, and the intensity of his stare steals a beat of my heart. “None of them were the one.”
“So ‘the one’ is something you believe in?”
“Yes.” He says it matter-of-factly, without hesitation, before shoveling in a bite of mac and cheese.
Several seconds pass, rife with things left unspoken. “Hmm, that’s…interesting.”
“Why’s that?”
“I figured you were gun-shy of commitment.”
“No, Sadie. Commitment isn’t my issue.”
“So what’s the issue then?” It’s a bold question, and if I didn’t want to know the answer so badly, I wouldn’t have dared ask.
“My dad cheated on my mom for years before he finally left. I won’t make the same mistake. I want to be certain I’m in it for the long haul before I throw around promises.”
“So no serious relationships until you’re sure it’s going somewhere?”
“Exactly.”
“And you haven’t found that yet.” It’s more a statement than a question.
He shakes his head then points at my plate with his fork. “Eat up.”
Eat up…so we can get on with the rest of the evening. Nerves barrel through me with a vengeance, and each bite is a tasteless swallow as I force it down my throat. I help him clean up the mess from dinner before he takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom. Stepping into the place where he sleeps—where he screws an abhorrent amount of women—has a stripping effect on me. We aren’t friends in this space anymore.
We’re not talking and laughing over mac and cheese at the dinner table. In this room, everything changes. We cross over into stupid territory, become insane people playing with each other’s lives…each other’s hearts. More importantly, we’re risking a friendship we’ve built since grade school.
“What are we doing, Ash?” I hug myself, suddenly feeling way too self-conscious in front of him. Another new development. Since when do I feel awkward around him? He’s the other half of the two people I trust most in the world.
Since you got on your knees and sucked his cock.
“We’ll do whatever you want, Sawyer.” Reaching out, he twirls a lock of my hair around his finger. “Or we don’t have to do anything at all. It’s up to you.”
“I thought you said you were calling the shots?”
“Oh, believe me, I will. But not until you’re ready.”
“That’s kind of my problem. I should be far past ready.”
“You either are, or you aren’t. There’s no shame in that.” He lowers his hand, and my hair slips through his fingers. But he doesn’t move away. The heat of his body blasts me from where he stands.
Much too close.
Not close enough.
I distract myself by taking in his bedroom. Of course, I’ve seen it before, but never under these circumstances. His bed is huge and takes up most of the space. The slatted headboard is a nice accent against the wall. A black and gray comforter covers the mattress, and I can’t help but wonder how soft it is. The color suits him.
He’s obviously not a slob. The floor is clean, his bookshelves are neatly organized, and every drawer in his dark oak dresser is closed, no sign of overstuffed clothing spilling out. I wonder how many women have been in here.
The number is probably something I want to remain in the dark about.
My gaze lands on him again, and I catch him watching me, ensnaring me in the eye of his arctic stare. My fingers twitch, aching to push his hair out of his eyes. It’s been a while since he’s had a haircut.
“This is weird,” I say, wringing my hands.
“It doesn’t have to be. This is new territory for us, but we have an advantage here.”
“What’s that?” I fold my arms across my chest again. I’ve never felt so naked in front of someone, despite being fully clothed. I can’t comprehend how I’ll feel if…
when I take my clothes off for him.
“We have a strong friendship. We know where we stand going into this, so just try to relax and follow my lead.” He steps closer and slowly pries my protective arms from across my chest. “Let me show you how amazing sex can be.”
“No. No sex.”
He tilts his head. “Mind telling me why?”
Hell no, I don’t want to tell him why. Not only am I a virgin, but I know if we get too intimate, I’ll lose myself to him—and that would be a travesty because with Ash…there’s no hope for a future.
Only friendship.
Because of that some lines can’t be crossed.
“I’m a virgin, Ash.”
His eyes widen. “Seriously? You’ve never…?”
I shake my head. “Came close a couple of times, but…” I want to say I wasn’t ready, but truth be told, it was never the right guy. Maybe I won’t be ready to take that step until I do find the right guy.
“Okay,” he says softly. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Yeah.” I pull my lower lip between my teeth, considering for a moment. “So no sex, and…no kissing.”
He raises a brow. “You wanted me to kiss you last night.”
“This is different. If we’re going to do this, I don’t want to muddy up our friendship with anything too…”
Intimate.
Understanding dawns on his face, and he seems a little awestruck for a moment, as if my confession told him too much. And maybe it did, but it’s the truth. I can’t let things go beyond a certain point with him, and sex and kissing…
Unwittingly, my gaze lowers to his mouth. God, those lips.
“So everything else is fair game?”
“Within reason.”