Filed to story: Shhh Professor! Please Don’t Tell! Novel Free
She nodded slowly. “You should,” she said, her voice quiet.
We sat there for a few more minutes, each of us staring into space. Then Ellie spoke.
“Jackson,” she said. “I think you should take me home.”
Neither of us spoke on the drive back to campus. I ached with anxiety, wondering what this meant for us, but I didn’t want to ask Ellie. I knew she was still processing. She probably didn’t know what to tell me yet. She probably didn’t even know how she was feeling. And besides, I might not be Annie’s father. We didn’t know yet.
I dropped her off closer to campus. I didn’t want her walking through the woods alone at night.
“Please text me when you get back to your dorm room,” I said as she was unstrapping her seatbelt.
She nodded. She hesitated for a moment and then leaned over and kissed my cheek. A light, feathery kiss the way you might kiss a father, or an uncle. Her lips felt cold. I swallowed.
She left my car without saying anything more. I watched her walk off across campus. Her steps were quick, and her shoulders were lifted slightly, as if she was very cold.
I sat there, waiting. A few minutes later she texted me, “In my dorm.”
I inhaled a shuddering breath and turned my car around and started the drive home.
I barely slept that night. I tossed and turned, falling in and out of troubled dreams.
In the morning, I sent Annie an email. I asked her if she would come talk to me in my office.
I didn’t hear from Ellie all day. I wanted to give her space, but I felt raw with the fear that I was about to lose her. Could we come back from something like this?
Annie stopped by my office after lunch. As soon as I saw her face, I knew that she knew. She was staring at me with a piercing gaze, her eyes widened slightly.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly, pausing in the doorway.
“Hi,” I said, gesturing to the chair in front of my desk. “Come on in.”
She sat down, her fingers clasped together tightly.
“Ellie told me she talked to you yesterday,” she said. “She said she ran into you on campus, and she asked you if you’d known my mother.”
Ellie hadn’t told Annie about us. That wasn’t a good sign.
I nodded. “I did know your mother, Annie,” I said. “Very well.”
She nodded quickly, as if she wanted to prevent me from sharing any more details.
“I’d like to get a paternity test,” I said.
“I would like that too,” she said, looking into my eyes.
I smiled a little. Again, I felt the unexpected joy of wondering if she was my daughter. It felt as if a whole new constellation had been added to the galaxy of my life.
We arranged the test for the next day.
“Ellie!”
I turned. Annie was running towards me along the sidewalk. Her face was lit with a radiant grin. She skidded to a halt next to me, panting a little.
“It’s Professor Steele,” she said, her voice breathless. “The results came back today. He’s my dad.”
I felt my heart drop through the sidewalk. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been hoping it wasn’t true until she said the words out loud.
“Ellie?”
I seemed to hear her voice from a long way away. My head was spinning I could hear my blood rushing in my ears.
“Ellie, are you okay?” Annie asked.
I nodded. I squeezed her hand, and looked into her eyes, feeling my own fill with tears.
“I’m really happy for you, Annie,” I said and started hurrying away along the sidewalk before she saw me start to cry.
I passed the rest of the day in a haze. I wasn’t sure what my thoughts were. I hadn’t told Annie that Jackson, and I had gotten involved. What would she think when she found out that her best friend had slept with her dad?
It felt gross, I thought, walking back to my dorm after slogging my way through homework in the library. I felt gross. I knew Jackson and I hadn’t done anything wrong, but it felt that way. Annie was my best friend. I was only a few years older than she was.
It made me understand what my relationship to Jackson looked like to other people. To Professor Spaulding. I’d allow myself to forget that he was older than me; it hadn’t mattered.
This made it feel different as though our relationship had crossed over a boundary we should not have crossed. Tears sprang into my eyes. And Annie. I was worried about Annie. Was I going to lose her now, too? How would she feel about him and I?
I shut the door to my dorm room and curled up under my covers. My roommate was gone. Probably out with her boyfriend. My heart ached.
A knock sounded on my door. I lifted my head.
“Ellie,” Annie’s voice called. “I know you’re in here, I saw you walk in. Can I talk to you?”
I nodded, answering her even though she couldn’t see me. I pulled the covers off my legs and hurried over to the door. I pulled it open.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking, and pulled her into a hug.
She held me tightly. Her hair smelled like lemongrass.
“What are you sorry for?” she asked.
I took a deep breath.